STUPID RANTS ABOUT ROMANCE NOVELS
The Low Point
(The part in the relationship where you feel all is lost)
1.) The Misunderstanding (usually caused by lack of communication and bitchy characters)
RANTER: Do these people not talk? What, are they blind? Deaf? Can they not see/hear that the other person loves them? U N R E A L I S T I C.
ANTI-RANTER: It’s easy to sit in your comfy chair, sipping a mug of hot cocoa and commenting on how stupid a story is. Especially if there is no one to defend it. But have you ever thought of how relationships proceed in real life? The ‘grave misunderstanding’ idea didn’t just come out of nowhere. It happens in real life.
But they should at least outright ask them about the misunderstanding, you say?
Well, why don’t you try going up to the person you’re beginning to love and say, “Hey, I love you, but I saw you with that other man/woman, who was all over you, btw, and it made me so darn jealous (and insecure that I decided to question you and freak you out, and drive you away myself before you dump me because I’m clingy).”
Or, “I heard you’re pursuing me only for my money and I have (fake) papers that prove it thanks to your (conniving) uncle (who doesn’t want us to be together because of so-and-so reason which I’m unaware of) and I believe him. So I wanted to tell you that I love you, and I’m going to give you one more chance to stop using me and start loving me because I am getting old and desperate.”
Okay, I’m going to stop now, because, frankly, this could go on for days.
But what I’m trying to say is that we’re all egotistical and most importantly, human. And as sad as it is, it means that we value our pride, sometimes just a tad too much. And yes, we can put aside our pride in the name of love, but would we be willing to do that if we were unsure about the feelings of the other person?
Yeah, chew on that.
2.) The Cheating (I guess that’s pretty self-explanatory)
RANTER: WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED? DID I JUST WASTE MY TIME ON A LEAD WHO CHEATS?
ANTI RANTER: I literally have no concrete reply to that. I feel the same way, practically word for word (duh, I wrote that from memory). But I have to concede that tentatively more than forty percent of people in a committed relationship cheat. It’s only natural that writers eventually get around to writing about it. You and I don’t roll that way, but maybe the books are helpful to some people, or give them hope. And maybe some just want to read tearjerkers.
Another point I’d like to make is, those (more than) forty percent who cheat, yeah, they read books too. It’s nice that they can find something to relate too. And maybe, just maybe, when they read what the protagonist goes through when someone cheats on him/her, they’ll be tempted to stop philandering.
Darn, I’m such the eternal optimist. I’ll need to stop that immediately, since self-destruction is all the rage these days.
Anyway, back to what I was saying. Cheating is a part of life. Deal with it. Plus, if you’ve come so far in a book (the cheating usually happens at the half-mark) it must not totally suck, right?
3.) The Dying (Types: Love Story/ Romeo and Juliet/ Othello/ Hamlet)
First off, for those who have been sheltered by a rock all their lives,
Love Story: She dies.
Romeo and Juliet: Both die.
Othello: Both die.
Hamlet: Both die
Okay, I’m so not doing this; I refuse to explain the differences in Shakespeare’s works in less than 50 pages. Go read SparkNotes.
Where were we? Oh yes, dying.
RANTER: I LOVE THIS BOOK! ALL OTHERS ARE CRAP.
ANTI RANTER: Seriously, you think anything with death in it is cool? Think again. Just because someone dies, does not mean that the book is a good one. Death is a very delicate topic. It has to be handled with utmost care, and very, I repeat, very few writers can pull it off. Lately, everyone has been killing off characters to create sympathy for the protagonist, like they’re annoying mosquitos or something. Keep it classy, please.
4.) Any other reason
RANTER: I’ve read this one before.
ANTI-RANTER: So have I. Everyone has. Some have even experienced it. Unless it stops happening in real life, it will happen in romances. And even after it has stopped, it will happen in historical romances.
Wow, that was deep.
Also, as an ardent romance reader, let me tell you, us romance junkies crave it.
YOU ARE READING
About Them Clichés
No FicciónOh honey, you're feeling low? Let's trash clichés. You want to vent? Let's dump on clichés. You've lost your sense of humor? Let's *cough* joke *cough* about clichés. Don't get me wrong, I love writer/reader rants as much as the next person, but th...
