Mental Illness Put Into Words

Numb

This poem is open for interpretation, if you have any ideas of how you personally interpret it, for example, as a physical "numbness" after trauma or a state of numb mentality etc you could comment or send me a private message, I'd like to know your ideas. Or if you want to just tell me what you think of it, you could message/comment too, thanks :)

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I'm numb...

I lie in bed with my curtains half-drawn
and my duvet in a heap on the floor.
The light-bulb in the lamp flickers every time I blink
but I don't care. I haven't been counting the times it has lost power over the last few days.
Cobwebs have begun to grow where my eye-lids should be in the dark
and the air seems dry with dust dancing with death. But I can't see it.
I can't feel it.

There are no feelings...
I'm numb.

Days I've gone without shutting my eyes
for more than a second with a fear that everything around me will die.
They see me when there is broad daylight through the window
but also dark drawn across the sky. I can't see them...
No matter how hard I try. I can't hear them trying to help
and feel their hopeless love that tries to pull me from this state.

And I'm lost...
There are no feelings.
I'm numb.

Time has stopped but everything is moving so quickly
and I want to join in...
But my-my body and mind won't let me.
Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock
goes the clock every time I blink. But I can't hear it...
Minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day my life is slipping away.
But I can't sleep nor move, do this nor that, no chit nor chat
I just lie and lie and try not to close my eyes.

But I still blink...
And I'm lost.
There are no feelings.
I'm numb.

I can't remember when it all went black,
But since then... There's never been light.
Try as I might to fight for my life,
my mind has no power to remember
and my body has seemed to surrender.
But I can't feel it...
What should I feel? I can't feel anything,
nor see, nor hear, nor taste, nor smell.

I'm almost gone...
But I still blink.
And I'm lost.
There are no feelings.
I'm numb.

I blink and there's darkness.
I'm gone but then back.
I fear for my life...
When I blink for a second too long,
because I get lost.

But I still blink... And then I'm-