Broken Shreds

Chapter Five - Aye, I'll Stay

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❝Decide that you want it more
than you are afraid of it. ❞
— Bill Cosby

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CHAPTER 5

> OLIVIA <

I HAVE NOTHING to do.

Seven disappeared the minute he showed me my room and now, five hours later, he still hasn't come back. I found some ramen noodles in his pantry kitchen and ate them, still silently hoping for him to show up.

He didn't.

The clock hit 11 pm and by then I had already surveyed most of the house, unpacked some of my clothes into the drawer, called home and checked on dad. Paul'd told me everything was going great. Dad had been a little confused the first time he'd seen Paul, but after he'd gotten an explanation he'd just wanted to eat his lasagna. He kept asking about Olivia, but Paul told me not to worry about it and that he's got it all handled.

Now, I'm standing in front of the room Seven'd pointed me to and I'm desperately trying to think of something to do. I should probably go to sleep, since I haven't really slept well in days, but I already know the sleep won't come.

Because I'm scared.

I'm so unbelievably scared. I'm scared of dad's worsening condition and his and Savannah's safety that's being threatened now because of a stupid desicion I made.

And I'm so scared of being alone.

I've been on my own for hours in here after Seven left, but the realization of how awfully alone I truly am is registering just now. I've always had people around me. Dad, Savannah or my collegues at work. People at streets when I go out. Logically, I know that there's nothing to be afraid of in this cottage. It's small and basically middle of nowhere, but my mind doesn't care of those facts as my skin is getting tackier and mouth drier by the minute.

I'm alone and have no one around me to help me get rid of this feeling. I'm totally isolated.

My breathing is starting to get heavy and my heart beating faster. I swallow the huge lump in my throat and try to get my mind off these thoughts, but it's impossible. I'm heading towards a panic attack faster than ever before and there is no coming back.

Being alone has always been my biggest fear. Having no one around me...

My legs turn to cooked noodles and I fall to the ground with a thump. I close my eyes and and try to steady my breathing, but it's fucking pointless.

A ragged sob escapes my mouth as I start to shake from head to toe. I can't control my body in this very moment and it's scaring me almost as much as the loneliness. Anxiety has set it's claws on me and doesn't want to let go.

I try to think of something else. Anything. Dad. Savannah. Penguins. Big, neon colored cars. Cute little bunnies, but nothing helps. My hair is clinging to my sweaty face now and I realize that my cheecks are wet because of my tears.

I can't hear anything but the roar in my ears that's shutting me from the outside world. I'm trapped and squeezed tight inside these frightening thoughts in my head. I don't know for how long I stay like this, not able to get away from this terrible feeling inside of me.

And then... I feel someone say my name. Yes, feel. Because my heart is starting to slowly calm down and despite the ice cold fear inside of me, I dare to open my eyes.

When I see him looking down at me, a frown in his face, I don't think. I just act. I jump up faster than I thought was possible and then I'm on him: my hands are tightening around his neck and my legs around his waist. I feel him getting absolutely rigid, but I don't care.