However Soft Your Symphony

time's the only lonely curtain in between

In the following couple of months, Maisy was surprised to notice that the Earth kept on spinning without Theo.

Of course, Maisy did spend the first couple weeks in the typical post-break-up phase. There was crying, there was screaming, and there was plenty and plenty of ice cream. Mei did her very best to comfort Maisy, but for awhile, it was a daunting task to accomplish. Maisy was a complete wreck.

Mostly, Maisy hated how guilty she felt. If she had just been outright with Theo from the beginning, it wouldn't have ended this way. However, she also knew that had she been honest with Theo, she wouldn't have gotten the chance to love him, and Maisy wouldn't have taken that back for all the world. She felt like a better person for having loved him. 

Maisy spent the first month actively keeping up with what Theo was up to. She had Theo on tweet alerts, and would actively watch whenever he made a TV appearance. She knew it wasn't a healthy thing for her to be doing, yet she couldn't really help herself. She was waiting for Theo to mention her somehow. Even if it was just some throwaway comment, Maisy was searching for some form of closure so she could put her thing with Theo to rest, finally. It was a whole month until that moment came.

Theo was scheduled to be a guest on Ellen late that August. Maisy was a regular watcher regardless of Theo's presence, so she had recorded it, and planned to watch it later the next afternoon. When she did,Mei was with her, snuggling against her on Maisy's bed, a mostly empty bag or tortilla chips in her clutches.

Theo looked good. Healthy, calm, and happy.

Maisy wondered when she would be able to feel that way. 

"Your first single off of your new album... Whispers, right?" Ellen asked, and Theo nodded in response, smiling a kind of smile that Maisy didn't recognize. "You recorded that with a special guest, which you had highly publicized. I understand that this special guest is your girlfriend?"

"Ex-girlfriend, actually," Theo corrected. "We had a falling out."

Ellen frowned. "Oh, sorry to hear that."

"Well, that is one of the benefits of being a Romanticist. There are plenty more fish in the sea."

Someone who was really paying attention might have noticed the slight flicker of Ellen's eyes down to her own wrist, bare, with the name of her wife written in curly lettering. Maisy's eyes were too fixated on Theo to catch it.

"Well, I wouldn't know."

Theo let out a breathy laugh and shrugged. "To each their own."

The rest of the interview wasn't entirely eventful. They talked about Theo's upcoming world tour and the shenanigans that were sure to ensue. Theo wore a smile on his face the whole time, which is what hurt Maisy the most.

After the commercial break, Theo was set to perform a song. Maisy's heart twinged in her chest when she saw Theo standing there with his guitar, giving his little nervous smile that Maisy was all too familiar with. The music started up and Maisy immediately cringed. He was performing Whispers.

He started the song with a slower tempo than the recorded version Maisy was overly familiar with. Maisy dared to hope that the sadness she thought she heard in his voice was because of her, at least until Theo got to Maisy's part of the song.

When he did, there was another girl singing it beside Theo. A young up-and-coming pop superstar that Maisy wasn't too familiar with. God, she was beautiful. Maisy suddenly felt sick. She stood up and turned off the TV without a word. Mei frowned at her, but didn't say anything. Just enveloped her in a warm embraced and offered her some chips.

Maisy didn't try to keep up with Theo at all after that.

In an attempt to raise her spirits, Mei tried to set her up with a bunch of guys she had previously slept with. Maisy agreed, more out of boredom than anything else. Some of the dates weren't complete disasters, but it didn't feel the way it felt with Theo. It couldn't even compare. In the end, it just made Maisy more miserable.

It was in a dark place of loneliness and heartbreak that Maisy eventually turned to music. 

Theo had left a guitar in Maisy's dorm for the rare occasion when they would end up there, and hadn't bothered to ask for it back post break-up. One day, when Maisy found herself missing Theo a bit more than usual, she hesitantly picked up the guitar.

A few months and countless YouTube tutorials later found Maisy channeling her heartbreak by writing songs. She loved music. She loved being able to make something beautiful out of her pain. She was still hurting, but she managed to use music to find happiness. It was a new, different kind of happiness, a kind that she had never experienced before.

At the end of the summer, Maisy made the difficult decision to drop out of college and move back to the east coast. She needed a fresh start. Maisy got a full time job at a tech company outside of Boston, working a nine to five with calculators and computers in a cubicle. It certainly wasn't ideal, but Maisy craved the routine. It was a new location and a new mindset. 

At some point, Maisy decided she wanted to share her music. At first, it felt too personal. She feared that she would have a meltdown and make a fool of herself in front of an audience. Maisy wasn't prepared for that kind of embarrassment, especially when she had worked so hard on her original music, and was very proud of the outcome. However, she soon found that the vulnerability of performing the story of her heartbreak was incredibly healing.

Maisy started by seeking out open mics in the city. She was surprised and overjoyed when people would approach her after and tell her that they liked her music and praise her talent. What was even better for Maisy was the people who would tell her that they related to her lyrics, and saw themselves in Maisy's songs. Not for the first time, Maisy was overcome with how powerful music can be in bringing people together. Soon, Maisy began playing gigs at restaurants and small clubs at night, and music slowly enveloped her life. It was a feeling of fulfillment that Maisy reveled in. 

Maisy started playing regularly at a bar on the outskirts of the city, and soon gained a small following, drawing people in. People genuinely seemed to like her music. Word of her talent was spreading, and that thrilled Maisy more than she could say.

It was going well. Maisy was content with the constancy of her day job, and lived for her nights and weekends exploring a musical world that she first got a taste of with Theo, in a time that was feeling further and further away with every new song Maisy would write. 

Theo was gradually becoming a pleasant memory of yesterday. 

That is, until one night it all came rushing back. 

Maisy was performing a short set on an ordinary Thursday night, as she had begun to do weekly, doing covers and the occasional original when the crowd just right. On this night in particular, Maisy was sticking with covers. She sat perched on a tall stool, Theo's guitar in her clutch as she channeled her emotions through an old Natasha Bedingfield song.

"Who doesn't long for someone to hold
Who knows how to love you without being told
Somebody tell me why I'm on my own
If there's a soulmate for everyone..."

The crowd was enthusiastic with their applause, and Maisy smiled at her crowd with the deepest gratitude. She began messing with her capo for her next song, and then she looked up and saw a glimpse of a familiar face in the back of the bar. It was Theo. He was staring at her with an expression that Maisy couldn't read. It was him. Here. Maisy was sure of it.

Just as Maisy was processing what she had just seen, Theo had noticed that Maisy had seen him, and just as quickly as he had come, he was gone, turning his head and briskly walking out of the building. 

Maisy was trying to convince herself that she had imagined it entirely, as she began her next song. Her emotions were tangled with memories, and the music felt different than it had not ten minutes before. 

"Right in front of me
Or maybe you're in disguise..."