girl unraveled

why is it?

why is it
that i'm never allowed to be
angry
i'm never allowed to feel
anything besides happiness
i'm never allowed to be anything
but bubbly
i'm allowed to be treated like
shit but i can never be
upset about it
i have to laugh and move on

like always

and i don't get angry often
and maybe that's
why i can't
no one is used to anger
from me
i look too soft
i look too much
like someone who is easy
to walk all over
and i guess i am
i'm someone who
bends at the will of others
i'm someone who will
cry alone, not out of sadness
but out of anger that i
didn't express
i constantly feel
like i'm walking on egg shells
inside this little box
you trapped me in and god
forbid i try to take
a step outside the box
towards where i'm actually me
that's the area where
i'm never ever allowed to go
it's always small things make
me mad
often things that shouldn't
make me mad do
and no one understands
they think i'm overreacting
but i can't help it
i can't help the rage
that overcomes me when
someone talks to me
as if i'm an idiot
i'm not as stupid as i may seem
don't treat me like an idiot
i know damn well that if
i spoke to you the way
you speak to me
you would leave me

but i'm terrified
of speaking up because
those who are left
are all i have