a typical week at the scp foundation

the attempted assassination

There once was a man named Tengan. tengan knew david tennant and the two of them were enemies with a guy named Dr. Clef. tengan said to david "hey tennant, lets kill that fuckin dick dr clef tonight so our jobs are more fun. hes such a drag and doesnt let us play memes over the intercom system." and david said "Ye sure ahm down tae take dohwn ae fuckah like clef but how tae fuck ah ee about tae do it?"

tengan replies saying "Oh dont worry tennant, ive got it all figured out. you just have to come to my cubicle tonight at 10:49 and we can go over the plan. dont be late"

"Okae æ will see ye taenight at 10."

10:49 comes. dt goes to tengan. the two of them revise their plans and schedule an early meeting at 7:30. dr. clef didnt come in until 9 am anyway so that left the two of them plenty of time to set up something.
so 7:30 rolls by. dt and tengan set up some fuckin ELABORATE HOME ALONE 2 (R) esque shit and leave to clock in.

dr clef comes in and fucking bam, hes dead within the hour. but little did dt and tengan know, That dr clef was a fucking fake! it was two raccoons in a suit. the real doctor clef comes in at about noon holding a bag of five guys burgers.
"yall want sum 5 guys!" he shouts. everyone is terrified because they had just saw clef dead on the ground and here he was holding 5 guys. thts when they discovered it was raccoons.

so clef comes up to david and smiles. david is sweating to his fucking knickers. "Oh hello there Clef.... Fancy seein ye here." he says shakily.

"Yeah yeah... nice 'tae' see you here too tennant. i know what you and tengan were planning because you did it in front of scp-079. scp-079 told campbell who told 106 who told bright who told me, and you really thought that setting up something from HOME ALONE 2 (R) would work on me? on Dr. Clef?!"

tennant is almost pissing himself and if he had a weaker bladder god damn thered be a flood.

So tennant and tengan go to clefs office and he makes a proposition.

"If you boys help us with tests ill let u go because i was actually impressed that anyone would recreate the traps from HOME ALONE 2 (R) in an attempt to kill me. actually wait why are u guys trying to kill me again"
tengan stands up and shouts. "YOU WONT LET US BROADCAST MEEEEEMES"

clef sits there.

"You two are trying to kill me because i wont play MEMES?! fuckin savage! okay guys i might promote u to class B and let u watch memes lol. thats so fucking funny im telling dr bright rn"
so in the end tengan and tennant won the rights to play memes in the office during their breaks. like, it took a lot of fucking effort and they almost fucking KILLED A MAN but holy fuck THEY WON THEIR MEMES! it was thanks to the raccoons, tennant, and tengan tht Meme Freedom (Aka MEMEDOM) was saved.