a typical week at the scp foundation

the fourth day

dr glass knocked on dr iceberg's door

"hey iceman, i've got a new assignment for ya LOL" glass shouted. he had been away on a "Trip" for a few days.

"my name is iceberg"

"you say that like i care. get to work you cold fucker." glass said, handing over a folder to iceberg.

"dude why do i keep getting the boring scps to work with. 096?! he's so lame." iceberg said.

"oh my god stop complaining i just mixed up the files. here. you get to work with 1471." glass said.

"oh good, a much more basic one. jesus christ. where have you been for the past couple days anyway man?!" iceberg complained. he was a big fan of complaining in the morning, especially since they banned him from drinking coffee.

"i was at hentaicon... lol. i wish, i was actually at... well, i can't tell YOU. just know i was havin fun. wish you could've been there! :)"

"thanks for being so elaborately fucking vague. when do i have to see this dude. please tell me it's at like, 2 pm. i would like to get another hour of sleep in."

glass gave iceberg a wide grin and just laughed. "im so fucking sorry," he started "but you have to go in half an hour."

iceberg's last ounce of strength faded. when he took this job, they told him he would get flexible hours and would usually do work in the evening. for the past week, he'd been woken up everyday at like, 5 am by either clef, kondraki, or bright for some mysterious game they played. maybe today would be better since glass woke him up at 6 am instead of 5.

"glass are you going to come with me or is it going to be bright again. Please be someone new." said iceberg. he knew bright could work hard but he'd been causing a LOT of chaos in the foundation lately. too many memes and not enough personnel to deal with it all.

"hmmm good fucking que.... You know what? i think clef might come with you. bright's a little 'busy' if you know what i mean huehue."

"Never tell me anything like that ever again." iceberg shuddered.

about a half hour later, clef came by and banged on the door. "ICECUCK! UP AND AT EM! WE'RE OFF TO SEE 1471 FOR A BIT." he was so fucking hyper because bright gave him some ominous coffee.

iceberg, who had just been sitting in the dark, mourning his lost sleep, got up and opened the door. he looked like a true harbinger of death.

"dude, you're freezing. LOL. btu seriously, you've got a dark aura. let's go!" clef shouted. iceberg said nothing and followed.

it was like, a 15 minute walk from the dorms to the scp cells. it was ANOTHER 10 minutes to navigate the fuckin maze that was the scp containment center.

"god damn we're finally here. let's go in already. look, man, the faster we do whatever the hell bright wants us to do, the faster we can go back to bed."

"wat do you mean bright. did he set this up."

"maybe"

iceberg opened the folder and read what he was supposed to be doing today:

"You, Dr. Iceberg, will be fuckin around with 1471! yuo will be asking it about all sorts of weird shit to see how it reacts. oops, there was a typo in there. i can't undo typos because we have to write the scp files on typewriters. keeps the good ol' government from spying on our docs! Actually, aren't we partially funded by the government? ANYWAY. you will ask 1471 about ... whatever. my hands are cramping from writing this shit. good luck and have fun with whichever bozso (another typo!) wants to go with you. bye"