dark devotion ≫ a.b.

22 - Love & Forgiveness

I don't know when, but we both eventually fall asleep, a tangle of limbs, and our hands still together. When I start to shiver from a mix of anxiety and the cold, I feel him wrap his arms around me. His thumb rubs a spot on my hand in a hypnotic circular motion that starts to ease my nerves. It reminds me of back at the camp where he noticed I was cold and wrapped me up in warmth.

This time it feels different.

Finally, as I'm drifting off into sleep I hear the soft timbre of his voice. "I love you, Blue."

My tired heart fills with warmth and happiness. A genuine smile spreads across my face. "I love you too."

***

Friday is tomorrow. I've decided to leave the house for a while. I finally have fresh clean clothes, although they're not mine. It took some persuading from Jinxx, but Alara let me borrow some old clothes of hers. Our body types didn't match up, but I was still glad to have clothes that weren't covered in blood or vomit. While my body is short and skinny, Alara has a muscular build and curves I don't. Mostly all the articles of clothing she owns are black or gray.

I decide on a black short sleeve shirt, a gray hoodie, and ripped black jeans.

I'm still wearing my same boots, although I did have to wash all the gross stuff off of them, along with the help of Jake who was generous enough to volunteer.

With a sigh, I step out into the garden. I breathe in the smell of flowers and sweet wind. It's still just as gorgeous as the first time. I wish I could appreciate the beauty of it a little more though. My world has still been turned upside down and I see everything in black and white right now.

I feel the presence of somebody beside me.

Turning, I expect to see Andy to be standing at my side, but Alara is standing in his spot. She sighs deeply. I don't bother her with questions like, "what's wrong?" or "can I help in any way?".

So instead we stand there, no words between us, just the sound of birds happily chirping. The sunlight ironically shines down on our gloom.

"I'm sorry."

The words barely pass her lips. But they did. She's apologizing to me. I look at her skeptically. "I'm sorry for being such a bitch to you for so long. It's always been difficult for me to trust people, much less get along with them. To be honest, I'm jealous. I always have been. I've been jealous of you since the moment I met you. Of how kind and nice and... pretty you are and how everyone likes you before they even know you and how well you get along with Andy even though we've known each other for years. Almost our whole lives basically, and he still likes you more than me. The truth is, I also wanted you to like me and I never knew how to get you to do that. I'm sorry."

I start to feel sorry for Alara, for the first time, I realize. "Why didn't you ever tell me? I would have listened."

"See, you don't get it, Quinn. You're happy to help out and open up to people. I'm not like that." She pauses to collect her thoughts for a moment. "I shut people out and am hurtful when I don't mean to be. Especially when I'm jealous."

Alara keeps her gaze fixed on the grass beneath her feet, as if it's the most interesting thing she's ever seen. She's too embarrassed to meet my eyes. I used to do that whenever my mother made me apologize after I did something she didn't approve of.

Tears are welling up in her onyx colored eyes. The tough, all-mighty Alara breaking down is not something I'd have thought I would see in my lifetime. "It's all okay," I say, daring to take her hand in my own. She looks shocked, but not in a bad way.