I'll Carry You Home

Chapter 2

MARGARET

Pakiramdam ko nawala lahat sa akin ng mga oras na yun.  Everything that I cherished for so long vanished in just a blink of an eye. Walang kahit ano mang salita ang makakapaglarawan sa nararamdaman ko ngayon, so hindi ko na kailangan pang pahirapan ang sarili ko to do just that. Hindi na kailangan pa ng mga salita, but my tears spoke for themselves.

*flashback*

“I’m sorry, Senyorita. I’m deeply sorry for letting you know these devastating news.” Sila Atty. Ricardo at Dr. Rivera ang nasa harapan ko ngayon, with Caloy and Lucas, my two trusted bodyguards beside me. I couldn’t tell them that I’m okay because they would not believe me. I couldn’t speak either.

*end of flashback*

This could’ve been the worst day of my life. Alam at tanggap ko nang miserable ang buhay ko sa oras pa lang na nagkaisip ako, pero ngayong araw na ito ko naramdaman kung gaano ako kamiserable, kung gaano akong nag-iisa na lang. I couldn’t even think of anything to help myself.

This morning, Atty. Ricardo came together with Dr. Rivera to let me know two different pieces of news. At hindi ko na kailangan pang pumili kung ano ang mauuna between the good news and the bad news. Atty. told me his news first as he handed me the envelope I never thought that I’d held very soon.

*flashback*

“Yan ang kopya mo ng joint last will and testament ng parents mo, Senyorita.”

“Last will and testament?”

Huminga muna ito ng malalim bago sabihin ang eventually ay malalaman ko rin. “Your parents died during a fire at their condo unit at New York. Hindi na narecover pa ang bodies nila dahil sa tindi ng pinsala. I’m very sorry to tell you this, Senyorita and my deepest condolences.” Hindi ito makatingin ng diretso sa akin.

Just awhile, umalis sila Mommy at Daddy papunta sa States to arrange some business matters. Madalas ay sumasama ako sa kanila to entertain myself and get some shots for my self-acclaimed portfolio, pero last week, nagpaiwan ako dahil na rin sa mga sinabi ni Mommy sa akin.

“I know that your happiness is here. Hindi natin alam ang mangyayari bukas, we both know that so stay. Chase that happiness.” And then she smiled so sweetly that made me smile more sweetly.

I knew back then that she’s right. Hindi ako sumama dahil alam kong babalik rin naman sila agad. They would; they would never abandon me. Naniniwala akong hindi nila magagawa yun sa’kin.

But I trusted too much. Hindi ko alam na palatandaan ang pagpapaalam na iyon ni Mommy sa akin. Of course, hindi nila ginusto yun but still… :’(( Dapat sumama ako. Dapat nakasama ko sila sa hirap at ginhawa, every season. But I hadn’t. Now what else could I say?

They were gone… I succeeded in making them feel that they were the best parents in the whole world, I somehow brag that. But now, I was alone. I should’ve known. But I hadn’t, and now I was literally alone *repeat 10 times* Parang pelikulang nag-flash sa isip ko lahat nang napagdaanan namin in my 20 years of existence. There goes my life…

“Are you still willing to hear my news, Ms. Ynares? We can postpone this until tomorrow-“

“No. Tell me now. What is it? Am I dying, too?” Kung papahirapan nila ako, then sagarin na nila. Siguro hindi ko na kailangang magdalamhati ng mas matagal pa kila Mom and Dad dahil susunod na rin ako sa kanila. Magkikita na rin kami agad…

“Your bone marrow transplant operation is due until the end of this month… you know your life here is at risk pero wag po kayong mag-alala…” Hindi ko na narinig pa ang mga huling sinabi ni Dr. Rivera dahil sa ngayon, iisa lang ang malinaw sa akin: Mom and Dad left me, they were gone, and I don’t know if I could live to see the new year… I was dying… I was dying… oh God.