Try-Hard, Sin Harder

30. Kim Namjoon

"It's nice to see that you've managed to sit up." 

 Completely lost in my thoughts, I hadn't noticed someone else had entered my bedroom until he turned the chair, and took a seat next to me. The dimpled smile he gave didn't meet his eyes. "It looks like you're feeling a little better." 

 We both knew that was a lie. 

 But we both went along with it. 

 He shifted the chair closer to me, and tentatively rested his hand on my own. The same hand the man before him held, and in the exact same way. I turned my head to look at him, leaving my hand motionless, but not pulling it away. He glanced at the book at my bedside table, noting the bookmark resting on top of it. "I see you finished To Kill a Mockingbird. Did you enjoy it?" 

 I hardly remembered it, but managed a nod. 

 "I'm glad," he told me. "I'm glad that I could help make you happy." There was a pause. "I was happy when we were at the library together, so damn happy that I didn't understand. Holding you like that, it was like I had the entire world sleeping against me. I thought that it was a gift. I thought that if we just stayed like that, I wouldn't ever expect anything else. It was so unlike me, but I didn't care. That nook was where I went whenever I was troubled. It was my safe zone. Thus, much like Yoongi-hyung's studio, you were the first person I showed it to. I doubt that even the librarian knows it's there." 

 "As I went to wake you, I realized something." He sighed, and rubbed the back of his head. "Even though I haven't reached my limits yet, if it exists, it will probably be you. You were the sea that changed the current in which my life flowed. I feel like I'd drown without it." 

 Then he drew another breath. I watched it shudder in his chest. "I knew there was something wrong the moment you stood up, but you were so stubborn in insisting you were fine. So I said nothing, and began leading you back the way we came. The whole time I kept glancing over my shoulder to check if you were still following. It was when I looked away that you toppled over and the shelf began to fall." 

 "When I heard thuds and the sound of wood creaking behind me, I was already dreading the worst," he admitted. "Then I saw you on the ground, the shelf falling over you, and my heart dropped into my stomach. I thought I was going to lose what I wanted so badly it hurt." 

 "Adrenaline gives people power they wouldn't find within themselves in any ordinary situation. There was so much of it pumping through me from my terror, I thought I would drive myself mad if I didn't do anything," he said. "And I ran to you. The shelf hit my back like a truck, but I had made it in time. There was this relief that rushed through me, and all of my fear dissipated when I knew I had prevented to worst from happening."

 "You didn't wake when I pulled you from the ground, and I panicked. I brought you to the only place I knew for certain you would receive help. Jin-hyung hadn't fully opened the door when I burst in and ran to his living room. He didn't ask any questions when he saw you, either. Taehyung was already there and yelling at me to tell him what had happened, but I couldn't answer him." He buried his face into his hands before he continued. "I could only focus on you. I just wanted you to be safe and unharmed. Until Jin-hyung said otherwise, I thought you were dying. It was petrifying. I kept telling myself that I should have noticed you weren't feeling well sooner, or simply never had taken you out in the first place. All of that was my fault, and I knew it. I hate myself for being so careless. There were so many other ways I should have done it." 

 Even though I hardly remembered this man, his words and actions seemed so unlike him. There was this faint air around him when he had entered the room, dull and fading. It was sheer pride, narcissism, even. I wonder what it had been like to witness him in his full glory. Wondered what had changed.

 "I cared about you so much, that the thought of you hurt like that drove me into a blind panic. I think it always will." 

 And I had my answer. 

 The man leaned forward, and rested his head on my shoulder. His touch was gentle, and familiar. For many moments, we didn't move. I knew he needed this. Needed this reassurance that I was still here. So I stayed still, and waited until he was ready. 

 He said nothing more as he rose to his feet. No words were spoken on either end as he left the room. 

 Three strangers had fallen for me. 

 This one's name was Kim Namjoon.