Try-Hard, Sin Harder

32. Park Jimin

"'Anger doesn't solve anything. It builds nothing, but it can destroy everything'."

I turned my head to the man standing in the doorway. He leaned against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. There was no mistaking that look of pure ire in his eyes. Whether he was furious with me or himself, I wasn't sure. Either way, I knew he was dangerous to be around in this state. I didn't have the energy to flinch away from his gaze, so I held it.

He dropped his eyes first. Then he rubbed the back of his head. "My father used to always tell me that," he said. "Whenever I would get angry at something or someone, he would quote Lawrence Douglas Wilder."

I nodded my head in comprehension, but my mouth remained as a tight line. He sat down beside me, and leaned against the back of the chair. The wood moaned as he shifted. At the silence, he sighed. "Are you even going to say something to me?"

"What is there for me to say?" I asked quietly.

"Something," he replied. "At this point I'll take anything."

"Why?"

"Because I miss the sound of your voice."

I stayed silent. He sighed again. "People are not meant to bottle everything up, nor are they meant to seclude themselves like this. That's why there is more than just one person in this world," he told me. "As hopeless as you may feel right now, you're not alone. Your brother is gone, but that doesn't mean we are. We're still here for you, just as you were for us.

"Before I met you," he continued. "I hadn't had a proper meal in quite a while. Over a week, at the very least. Even before that, I was working hard to obtain the body that I had. But to some, it wasn't good enough. If I wasn't rippling with muscle, to them I was fat. And their comments got to me. They were making me pass out from not eating enough. All because I believed them. I believed I was fat, and just generally worthless.

"That picnic I had with you changed all of that. Sure, my Hyungs and Dongsaengs had scolded me a dozen times each about my diet, but none of them had taken it as far as you had. You were willing to do the same thing I was to prove a point," he said. "It shocked me, to say the least. I didn't think that a stranger would care so much. I didn't think that I would eventually care so much. Since then, I've been eating more." He swept his bangs back with his fingers, and grinned at me. "Food even tastes better now. It was like you cast some sort of spell over me."

I watched as his smile fell, and his hands clenched into fists at his side. "A few weeks ago I headed over to Yoongi's apartment after work to finally tell you. But you weren't there. By then, Jihun had already taken you." He grunted, and brought his fist down on his lap. "That sick bastard brought a knife to your skin. If there was any time, I would have put a bullet through his brain myself. I was aching to. I wanted to kill him for laying a hand on you."

Then the tension is his shoulders dropped, and his hands uncurled to cup his knees. "We all made it out alive. I knew I should have been happy, but honestly, the only thing I could think about was how you had been hurt because of us. The fact that a person I cared about was now scarred due to my recklessness was devastating. Had I left work early or simply taken the bus instead of walking, I would have made it to you in time. I could have spared you so much pain."

"Why would you think something like that was your fault?" I asked.

"Because," he began. "I used to bring misfortune to everyone around me. I was the rain that appeared out of the blue on sunny days. Then you, a person who loved the rain came along and changed everything. It costed you so much, but..." He placed my hand in his own and brought it to his lips. "I can't help but love you for it. Thank you.....for everything you've done for me."

He let go of my hand, and rose to his feet. Slowly, he made his way to my door before looking over his shoulder a final time. "I can't put together the words right now, but one day I promise I'll tell you how greatful I am to have you in my life. Just come back to us soon, we're waiting for you. I'm waiting."

I watched as his back slipped down the hallway.

Of course he would wait.

People do crazy things when they're in love.

He was no exception.

And his name was Park Jimin.