Try-Hard, Sin Harder

29. Jung Hoseok

A knock rapped against my door only a few minutes later.

He slipped into the room, knowing full well I wouldn't give him a verbal answer. Closing the door behind him, he leaned against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. Then he sighed, and rubbed his face with hands. Gripping the top rail of the wooden chair, he turned it so the back was facing me, and sat down. He paused for a few breaths before finally speaking.

"I don't think I ever told you that I dance," he began. "My parents had a friend who owned a dance studio with his wife for many years, and when my parents asked, he took me in as one of his students. At first, I was clumsy, and tripping over myself since I was still growing into my body. But, eventually I got the hang of it. Rhythms and movements became easier to align, and soon enough they were flowing out of me. I danced for years, sometimes to the beat of music, sometimes to the beat of my own. When words failed, dancing was the one way I could express myself."

He swallowed. "Dancing hadn't been a part of my life since I moved away from my home. I couldn't hear music anymore, to me it sounded like a bunch of clashing noises. My family and hometown were such an immense part in my dancing, that leaving all that behind made it difficult to even tap my foot to the beat of a song. It hurt to watch street dancers," he said, and looked down at me. "That night we bailed Taehyung out, I made the decision to go visit my parents at some point during the month. Then we walked into that alleyway, and when we came out on the other side, I knew I never could. I knew that how I had treated women in the past was horrible, but after that night, I wouldn't be able to look my parents in the eye again. So I stayed, and waited and prayed for something better to come my way.

"It came," he continued. "but at the time I didn't realize it. I was too busy trying to 'karate chop its head off'." A slight chuckle broke from his lips. "There wasn't anything I could have done to see you coming. However, I didn't mind having the extra company. Then you came back, and again, and again. Each time I saw you, there was this smile on your face that simply took my breath away."

"I wanted to seriously hurt myself after what I had attempted to do to you the first time you came to my apartment. But then I came out of the washroom, found you by my flowers, and all of those thoughts disappeared. You were smiling, and had forgiven me." Light twinkled in his eyes at what he told me next. "After Taehyung came to take you to his apartment, I found myself dancing for the first time in years. The music from my headphones was suddenly so clear and rejuvenating. Although by the middle of the night I was panting and sweating buckets, I hadn't felt so uplifted. With you, I found hope. Hope that I hadn't known for the longest time."

He gave me a soft smile, and reached for my hand. With a quick squeeze, he said, "You just give me my confidence, and that's all I've ever wanted. No one knows me but myself, and I know how this love exists. I don't ever want it to fade away."

I didn't pull away as he laced his fingers between my own. The light I had noticed earlier flickered back into his eyes, though this time it remained. For many breaths, we simply stayed as we were. Frozen, and in each other's trance-like hold. For the most part, my hand was limp in his. But eventually I flexed my fingers, and gently squeezed back.

His smile grew.

Then he detached his hand from my own, and slipped out of my bedroom.

My palm felt cold without someone holding it. I shifted upright, and sat against the back of my bed frame, thinking about what had just happened.

Two men knew they loved me.

I knew his name was Jung Hoseok.