Try-Hard, Sin Harder

33. Kim Seokjin

When the next man came in, he didn't say anything.

He carried a plate over to my bedside table, and placed it down where the other one had been before. And the one before that, and the one before that, and the dozen before that. Each time it was the same. He brought the plate, replaced the other, and then left without a word, without so much as a glance in my direction.

Except this time he stayed.

This time, I reached for the plate.

And this time, his eyes widened as he sat down on the chair, and I began nibbling on the slice of toast. When I finished half of it, I placed it back on the plate. I stared at the fluffy, golden scrambled eggs. My hands shook as I went to reach for the fork. I couldn't hold it steady enough to scoop up the eggs.

So he rested the plate on his lap, took the fork from me, piled some of the eggs on it, and held it before my mouth. "Let me help you," he said.

I hesitantly nodded, and opened my mouth. He pulled the fork back out, and I chewed slowly. Once I swallowed, we both waited in silence for many breaths until we were sure I wouldn't hurl my first meal on to the ground. Loosing the breath he held, the man proceeded to tenderly feed me until I had eaten all of the eggs and toast. "I'm glad you're finally eating," he told me. "I getting worried. How was it?"

I didn't have the heart to tell him I couldn't taste it.

But I managed a nod, and leaned back against the head of my bed frame. He placed the plate back on the beside table, and slipped on to the edge of the bed beside me. My bed moaned under his weight, though that was the only objection in the room. "Actually," he began. "It wasn't just your eating habits that I was worried about. I've just been concerned about you in general."

Understandable.

"Back before.....all of this, before your brother, and Jihun, there was the eight of us." I winced as he mentioned those two, and he gave me an apologetic look. "It was much easier back then, wasn't it? When we cooked in my kitchen, hung around the café, and danced under the stars? The woman you were then is a stark contrast to the woman I see before me now. Believe me when I tell you that it hurts to look at you as much as it hurts for you to see us. It hurts more than anything we've had to go through before. Some of us are on the brink of insanity, Keira. We're so scared we're going to lose you."

I stayed silent.

He shook his head and placed it in his hands. "Maybe I'm a fool for hoping that the Keira I knew would come back. But if being branded as a fool is what it will take to never lose you, then I'll do it." Turning to face me, he leaned over and placed a hand at my back. Then, he pulled me close to his chest, and buried his forehead into the crook of my neck. "Even though you may be unaware, you are my whole world. I don't know what I would do if I couldn't hold you one last time."

Sighing, he gave me a final squeeze and pulled back. Our eyes met. Inches away from his face, I could see how tired and miserable he was. "There isn't anything I can do to rid you of these scars you bear," he said. "However, I am still here. If they won't fade away completely, then I will stay and help ease the pain. All you have to do is let me know. Just say the word and I'll come running."

I knew how true those words were. Knew how despite any circumstances, he would always drop everything and run to those he cared about if they needed him. He smiled slightly, as if reading my thoughts. "There's no limits to how far I would go for you. I'd cross the world ten times, and ten times again if you asked me to."

Leaving that thought to linger in the space around me, he rose from the bed, and exited the room.

I didn't call after him to tell him he was being foolish.

Perhaps he wasn't.

Perhaps this was how he truly felt.

His name was Kim Seokjin.