Athenian Slave (Book 2)

Chapter 30

AN - Extra long chapter for you! Hope you like it! Az x 

Chapter 30

A week had passed. One whole week. And life still carried on. She felt empty inside. At war with her own senses. Part of her overjoyed at the fact she could speak once more, the rest of her in utter despair at the loss of a life that she had never had the chance to know. At times she felt a fool, she had never known the life that had been growing within her, had never truly met them, and never heard them speak or laugh. Never held them in her arms.

Yet, just thinking that made the guilt unbearable. It did not matter if she had held her child in her arms. It had been growing within her. She had held it in a way that was only possible between mother and child. She may never have heard it, but she had talked to it in her mind, had dreamed of what it could do in its life. How they could have risen above the station she held. How they could have changed something in their life, not making a large difference in the world, but possible making a difference to one or two people. It was the little gestures in life that allowed a slave to feel human. Not a possession.

It was a vicious cycle. Once she thought that she was justified in her grief, then she felt the fool once more. For it had not been a physical entity that others could feel and hold. The guilt once more building. There seemed to be no end to the rough emotions she was feeling. Darkness had settled over the land hours ago. The silence of night seeped into her. Alexios had dropped into an exhausted sleep beside her, his arm keeping her trapped next to him, as if he were afraid she would disappear on him.

Unable to sleep, her mind a whirling twist of thoughts and emotions. She knew she needed some time to clear her thoughts. She was wise enough to know that she would not come through the same person as she was before. But she hoped that it was possible she could come through if not stronger, then more able to face the world once more. She could do nothing but try and take each day as it came. Each hour. At times it felt like an eternity with each moment that ticked by, at other times entire hours could go by and all it felt like was as if she had blinked.

With great care, effort, and time. She managed to squeeze herself out of the embrace Alexios had her in. Quietly standing and turning to find he had scrunched the blanket from where she had slept and held it in his arms as if she were still there. The sight made her lips twitch in the semblance of a smile that she was sure would look more of a grimace. It was not as if she had had much cause to smile recently. She took a moment just to watch him. Some may have wondered at why she did so, in the middle of a dark night. But Alexios had captivated her from the first. He had a hard, rugged appeal. However, in sleep, he looked younger. The responsibility, the weight he shouldered, all of it melting away. His face relaxed, his breathing even and soft. The only time he would ever look vulnerable, if not for the aura of strength that permeated the very air when he was in the same room.

Shaking her head to clear it of the distraction he caused. She softly made her way on bare feet to the door. The wooden bar across the doorway was a little tricky to lift, being heavier than she expected. Alexios always made it look as if it were a twig he removed. She should have realised his very size meant he did not have issues with everyday tasks such as these. Grunting as she tried to heave it upwards. The scrape of the wood as it moved had her pausing and listening over her gasping breaths. Turning her head to peer over her shoulder. Breathing a silent sigh of relief when she noticed Alexios had not moved.