Yellow

chapter five: silent shades of honey

Trying to fix things but I can tell we are falling faster than the rain on the windshield on the drive home. 

" how is she your cousin but I've never seen her around? Never seen her at birthday party's? at Thanksgiving? why were you talking to her and why was it so important?" I questioned with my voice cracking and hot tears welling up behind my eyes, barley forcing myself to not cry in a public place with so many curious wandering eyes. He didn't answer me for a little while just looked into my eyes. I hoped that his quiet lips were due to shock at seeing how he hurt me but deep down I knew he was thinking about ways to justify how he was with another girl, a girl who wasn't me, a girl who could never be as good for him as I could have been. He finally opened his mouth as if he wasn't scared of the words that could either heal or hurt. 

" I care too much about you to lie to you, she.. shes not my cousin, I don't even know her name I met her three hours ago. It was meaningless, I got caught up in the moment but I never would have done it if I knew I could loose you, or if it would hurt you, Xae look at me please." M groveled. There was no way for the tears to be held behind the dams of my eyes. There were shocks in every muscle of my body, I never knew feelings could be so strong they caused physical pain which was almost unbearable. Shaking and questioning how words could cause such mental earthquakes and destruction. When I had the strength to raise my head like rising tsunamis I could only utter a few words that probably sounded unintelligible.

" The yellow I had for you has drained out of my heart."