something more? ☼ jenzie

Chapter Twelve

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for update

mackenzie

the next morning was saturday, so at least i didn't have to face everyone at school.

and to think i thought brandon was actually a decent guy. fuck boys and their raging hormones.

i picked up my phone off the side table and saw my missed calls and messages had double over night.

i opened the message app and texted Brynn back telling her that i was okay, just a little overwhelmed.

i decided i wasn't going to leave my room today, so i looked under my bed to find my secret stash of food. but instead i came across a dusty old pink journal with a k made out of rhinestones.

i ran my hand across the cover, all the memories of the book flooding back into my brain. i opened it up to the last page i had written on.

may 25, 2015

dear journal,

it's almost summer and i honestly cannot wait. i can't wait to get out of school. im a little sad though since i won't be able to see hayden, but i'm so excited to spend everyday with john and brynn.

john has been acting strange lately. i don't understand. im trying to get rid of these feelings i have for him by convincing myself i like hayden, but it just isn't working.

i wish we could just quit the best friends act and just be together.

but last night was really weird. maddie came into my room crying because apparently my dad had screamed at my mom for the first time.

it wasn't like them to fight, but i guess it just comes as they get older. they've only been married for a year thought, you'd think they wouldn't fight so bad yet.

i don't know what i'm going to do when maddie leaves for college. im going to have no one to talk to, or watch movies with, or just hang out when i'm bored.

but anyway i hope i can stop liking john so our friendship isn't ruined, bc i know he'll never like me back. wait maybe that's why he was being weird, because he knows? oh god help me.

anyways i'm going to brynns soon so until next time

xoxo,
kenzie <3

god i was such a child.

but wait,

"im trying to get rid of these feelings i have for him by convincing myself i like hayden, but it just isn't working."

i liked johnny?

i liked johnny.

and all the old feelings i had just discovered flooded back into my heart, as if i had finally realized what was holding me back.

it was never hayden, it was always johnny.

i never wanted to ruin our friendship and i thought he'd never like me back, so i guess i just became so good at lying to others about my feelings that i convinced myself too.

why would i even like hayden?

he's the most cocky person i know and he's not even that attractive.

but johnny is like the opposite. he's always been there for me, he's always cared. he drives me everywhere, asks me to hang all the time.

there's no one else like him.

why am i so stupid? i just ran away from the only good thing in my life right now.

and now it might be ruined.

**************************************

who missed me??

finally came up with a plot and direction for this book and my other one.

i think i just needed to take a little break and gather my thoughts.

also school is kicking my ass.

qotd: what's your worst subject in school?

lol mines chemistry