No One Knows (Sequel to 16) (Completed)

Chapter 9: Screams in Silence

Billie's POV

2 weeks later...

"Dude, look at her. She hasn't eaten anything again." 

Mike's voice was strained to a mere whisper as we sat watching Annabel. It was in the cafeteria and she was slotted in the middle of Mona's gaggle of girls, her forehead resting in the palm of one hand, the fork by her tray undisturbed. Mona was alternating between chirping into the steady stream of gossip half-heartedly and glancing anxiously at her unmoving friend. 

It had been two weeks, the four of us had estimated, since Annabel last talked to a living soul. The last time had been when I had caught her, fingertips on my window sill, far past midnight. She had been grinning in that brilliant way, Private Ale whimpering with excitement below. Jeremy had left. Her mother had locked herself away in her room for the whole day. She knew it was bad but things were going to get better. It was all going to be better now. And then, with a sudden burst of sheer elation, she leant up and kissed me, so quickly my heart had no understanding of how to react, and then leapt down and ran off into the night. 

The next night she didn't show up to Gilman. There I was, consciously not trying to find her in the crowd but yet succumbed to looking for her anyway. That's when I found she wasn't there. A huge emptiness then seemed to fill that crowded room. I could barely think properly, but managed to pull through the songs, my eyes unwillingly darting all around, just in case she had been late or something. Mona told us after that she had gone by her house but no one had answered. She didn't think her mom had left her room. She had no idea if Annabel was home.

Then I found that she had locked her window.

All of us had tried to talk to her at school, the one place it seemed she could be cornered. Nothing. At first she just smiled and nodded, so hollowly as if a mannequin, and then just sighed and she was tired and her mom was sad but it was okay. Everything is okay. And then she just slowly fell into silence. She told us not to worry. She was okay. Everything was okay.

And then just nothing. She was a ghost of a human. I had seen something similar before, when she had heard about Cassie...but not like this. That had been overwhelming grief, pain, anger. This was just terror. She looked like she thought she was going to die at any waking moment. She trembled every time she sat still, her eyes laced with dark rings and her face sunken. Mona told us how she had eaten a spoonful of peas one lunchtime and just thrown it up. It had just all been bile, she grimaced, reeking, acidic bile. Tears had been in Annabel's eyes. Mona had wanted to take her to the nurse, said she should go home. She wobbled to her feet then, shaking her head, and stumbled out past her. 

Tré turned at Mike's words, watching her as well. 

"Does she say anything in music?" He asked, not severing his gaze.

"No, she doesn't even turn up."

"Man..." He muttered, eyebrows furrowing in concern as she stirred, wrapping her arms around her and closing her eyes tight. 

It was between 5th and 6th when I found her at our usual spot behind the dumpsters. It gave me a start; it was the first time I'd seen her there for a fortnight. She looked up at me, her eyes red and glazed with tears that she refused to spill, and took a deep, shuddering breath. 

"Billie..."

But I was down by her in a second, my heart throbbing frantically as I threw my arms around her,  holding her to me tight. She shook in my grasp but I couldn't help it. My name hadn't left her lips in what felt like an eternity. I had no idea what to feel anymore. All I knew is that I couldn't lose her again. 

"Billie..."

Her tone changed then. It was so quiet, so much like a scared child that I let her go. Her beautiful eyes scorched me. 

"Tell me. Please for the love of fucking God tell me." I was begging. I knew I was begging. I was too beyond myself to even consider my bullshit pride. 2 weeks of silence. It doesn't sound long but it was. It was if I had lost a part of my very existence. 

She smiled softly, then closed her eyes, and her expression turned into something of heartbreak.

"Goodbye Billie."

And before I could even comprehend her, comprehend anything, she leant forward and took my face in her hands. I was so rapt, watching her. I should have stopped her, I should have made her talk to me. I should have, I should have...

Then she kissed my forehead. She got up and left. My head was racing as I scrambled up and went after her, but she had disappeared into the hallway's mass of moving bodies. I shouldn't have let her go. I should have held her and said all the right fucking words and I should have told her that she wasn't going anywhere. I should have told her that she couldn't leave me alone, that everything I felt for her was bubbling to a head and glimpsing what is was like without her...I couldn't breathe. I should have. I should have... 

I should have known.

.......

A/N hello!!! thanks for reading. the pain train is gonna be chugging steadily downhill now. more explanation will be given next chapter!! things have been crazy so i'm very sorry for being off again but i've only got a few more chapters to go before i wrap this all up!