Taking a Step Back

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A huge thank you to my sister, Katy Grunstra, for the new cover art!!!! It looks amazing!
Check out her art at
http://www.katygrunstra.com

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My heart fluttered and my palms were sweating as I knocked on the door to the Dupain-Cheng bakery. I had spent most of the night thinking about what I had said to Marinette the day before. Why had I been so arrogant in just assuming that she was my girlfriend? She deserved something better than that, but I just couldn't keep my mouth shut.
Hundreds of scenarios had played through my head of how I should have asked her out. I should have taken her to a nice dinner and slowly expressed my feelings before asking her to be my girlfriend. Instead of thinking rationally and acting in my normal fashion, my Chatlike impulsiveness and boldness took over. In high school, I was highly skilled in keeping my two personalities sorted out, but years away from my "model life" had made me lax. There has been no reason to hide my more rambunctious side in China, and the longer I spent with Marinette, the more it wanted to come out. Should I try to control myself, or just let myself free? Maybe I could do with just a little bit of both.
The door quickly opened causing my pulse to quicken. The smell of chocolate chip cookies and cinnamon rolls wafted through the air. My eyes were immediately greeted by a sparkling pair of bluebell eyes and an angelic smile. "Adrien," Marinette sung, "you're early! Let me go upstairs and get ready." It was only then that I noticed that she was still wearing her red apron and was covered in flour. Her hair was pulled back into a messy bun and she had some icing smeared across her cheek. Butterflies filled my stomach as I realized just how cute she looked.
"You know," I began as I gently wiped the frosting off her her face with my thumb, "the ingredients are not supposed to end up on the person baking them. Even though I wouldn't mind getting a taste of your sweetness." I proceeded to lick the frosting off my thumb.
"Adrien!" Marinette squealed as her face turned fire engine red and she looked away. I then realized what I had said and backed away slightly horrified. Why couldn't I contain myself around her?
"M-Marinette..... I'm so sorry," I whimpered, "I did it again. I-I shouldn't have said that. Please forgive me." My own face had become flushed out of embarrassment and shame. I wasn't acting like a gentleman at all. Marinette deserved the side of me that had more class. Why was it so hard to let that part of myself shine through at times like this?
My self loathing was interrupted by a pure and joyous giggle. "You're so cute, Adrien. You don't need to apologize. I like that you're opening up to me. Even if your humor can be a bit cheesy at times." She grabbed my hand and pulled me into the bakery. "Come upstairs and wait in my room while I get ready."
I sighed as Marinette dragged me up the stairs and to her room. What I had said was not supposed to be funny. I had never seen a room so pink in my life. The bubblegum colored walls were only broken up by slightly darker shades of paint that indicated the presence of something that used to hang all over her walls.
"Wait here," Marinette chirped, as she gathered some clothing and glided towards the bathroom.
Even though Marinette's room was fairly large, it was quite cozy, unlike mine. The sweet smell of the bakery seeped its way into the room making me never want to leave. A ladder leading to a platform with her bed on it beckoned to be climbed. I had the urge to snuggle down it her blankets, but realized she may think it strange if she found me in her bed. Instead, I decided to plop myself down upon the chaise that was located on the main floor of her room. As I looked up to the ceiling and sunk down into the welcoming comfort of the cushions, I noticed a trapdoor. It must lead to the balcony that can be seen from outside of the bakery. That would have been another perfect place to have asked Marinette out.
Just then, the bathroom door creaked open and Marinette waltzed towards me gracefully sitting herself next to me upon the Chaise. She had her hair pulled back into a tight ponytail showcasing her straight across bangs. She was wearing a loose fitting, thin, T-shirt that somehow still managed to highlight her delicate curves in all the right places. A modest pair of jean shorts and a pair of brown flip flops completed the summer casual look.
I hadn't seen Marinette dressed this causally since we had been in high school. In returning my gaze upon her face, I noticed that she even had neglected to put on the usual make up that she wore to work putting her natural beauty to display. Much to my own chagrin, I realized that my mouth was hanging wide open. I hastily snapped it shut and slowly managed to say, "Mari, you look...... so beautiful." A natural rosy blush filled her cheeks as I caressed my hand on the side of her face. "I'm so sorry," I softly apologized, "for how I treated you yesterday. I shouldn't have just assumed that you were my girlfriend." I then dropped my hand and placed my forehead against hers. "You deserved better than that. I should have swept you off your feet and then asked you out properly." I pulled away and looked desperately into her eyes. "Can we just.... start over?"
Marinette then wrapped her arms around my waist and burrowed her head in my chest. "No, we can't," she pleaded. "I don't want to start over. I want you to be my boyfriend.... I always have. It's just that....." she pulled herself away and looked to the ground. "I don't really feel like we have earned the title of boyfriend and girlfriend yet. There's still a lot that we have to learn about each other, and I just feel like we don't know each other well enough to call each other that."
I knew that Marinette was right. Even though we had talked a lot about our lives with one another, we had never really shared our stories emotionally. Most of the time that we had spent together had been superficial. Sure, we had come closer together as friends, but had we really been drawn together enough emotionally to consider ourselves in a relationship? No, we hadn't. What was it that made me want to have Marinette as my girlfriend in the first place? Sure, I enjoyed my time with her. I thought that she was talented, brave, and beautiful, but all of those things were on the surface. Did I know Marinette's heart? Did my soul burn passionately and feverishly for her? No, it didn't. That didn't mean that I didn't want those things with Marinette; we just hadn't gotten close enough for any of that to happen.
"You're right," I admitted while softly grabbing on to the side of her arm, "we don't have that kind of relationship." I then took my other hand and lifted her chin so that we could look each other in the eyes. "But that doesn't mean that I don't want a relationship between us to form. So.... let's just say that for now we are only dating.....with no title. Let's give that some time and see where it takes us. If nothing changes, we will remain friends, but if... if there is something more that's there, then I promise that I will sweep you off your feet, Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Deal?"
A soft grin formed upon Marinette's face. "Deal," she nodded, "besides... I can't call someone my boyfriend who hasn't even..... kissed me yet. That's a definite prerequisite." Her grin morphed into a playful smile as she winked at me.
"A kiss?" I smirked as I contemplated her request. "It looks like I've got my work cut out for me, then. Challenge accepted." I placed both of my hands on my hips and tried to look very regal. "The prince needs to plant true loves kiss in order to awaken the princess? I guess we'll just have to wait and see if I am the prince or just a regular frog. I hope I don't end up croaking out "
Marinette gave me a blank stare as she processed what I had just said. It didn't appear that she appreciated my humor. Of course not. Now was not an appropriate time to be joking. Why couldn't I just keep things serious anymore?
"S-sorry. I got carried away again," I apologized while I rubbed my arm and took my own turn at gazing to the floor. Marinette then placed both of her hands on my shoulders firmly squeezing them.
"Don't you ever feel like you should have to apologize for being yourself. I think your flirtatious side and even your silly puns are endearing. I'm sorry for not laughing, I was still trying to think of a good response. Even if you did end up just being a frog.... at least you would be a cute one," she giggled.
Marinette then became quite serious again, "I would hate it if you tried to hide that part of yourself from me. Don't ever try to hide a part of yourself from me. I want to see all of you. I want to be with all of you." My heart thrummed and my breathing became more labored. No one had ever accepted me like this before. Ladybug had always shot my behavior down as being childish and insincere. Did Marinette truly enjoy being around me even when I wasn't being the perfect Adrien?
"If that sometimes means you are quiet, reserved, and gentlemanly then I will love that." Marinette continued. "But if sometimes you are flirtatious, funny, and even downright mischievous, then I will love that, too. We will not get the opportunity to grow closer if you are constantly trying to guard yourself around me." She released her grip from my shoulders and wrapped her arms around my neck still keeping a good distance between us.
"Yes, you are different than the Adrien that I remember. You are so much better." My heart felt as if it was going to explode at these words. "I can see now that the boy I had known had been only a fraction of who you are. Please don't keep the rest of yourself hidden. I want to know that Adrien Agreste. The one who has been hiding behind the mask of the perfect model son. I don't think I can truly fall in love with someone that I don't know completely. This is what's holding us back; I just know it."
It was hard for me to comprehend what she had just said. Marinette wanted to get to know every part of me. Without even realizing it, she was asking to get to know Chat Noir. Was I ready to let that part of me out completely? What would Marinette think of me if I acted completely like Chat? Would she figure out that I was the famous superhero? Could we even have a real relationship without her knowing? If she wanted to get to know all of me, she would have to learn my secret. I couldn't tell her right now, but if Marinette really did end up being the one for me, I would let her know who I was. No relationship could begin with a secret as big as that. Until I knew what direction our relationship would take, I would just be myself. Whoever that was....
"Ask and you shall receive," I smirked as I stood up reaching my hand out to help Marinette stand. "Shall we?"
---------------------------------------------------
"Adrien," Alya shrieked while nearly tackling me over into a giant bear hug, "it is so nice to see you!" It was a little past noon and Marinette and I had just arrived at the carnival. I had never been to a carnival before, my dad had never allowed time for such trivial affairs into my schedule. After we had paid for our tickets and gone through the gate, I was met with complete sensory overload. The smell of hot dogs and funnel cakes instantly caused my stomach to grumble. Loud screams and the ringing of bells had me looking in all directions. I spotted heavily stocked game booths, overcrowded foodstands, and attractions of all sorts of varieties including roller coasters, a mirror maze, and even a haunted house. Being so absorbed in these new experiences made Alya's sudden appearance a terrifying experience.
"A-Alya," I managed to squeak out, "it's been a long time. How have you been?"
Alya grabbed the sides of my arms while pulling out of her tight embrace. "Oh, I've been doing fine. I'm more interested in how you have been doing, model boy." She had the all too familiar look in her eyes that she got when she wanted to get the scoop on something. "I know you have been spending quite a bit of time with Marinette. How has that been going?"
"Alya!" Marinette hastily interceded. "Not right now..."
"It's okay, Mari," I purred while brushing Alya's hands off of my arms and taking a step towards Marinette. "We can just show her how its been going right?" I grabbed her hand and interlaced her fingers through mine. I leaned forward to whisper in her ear, "Let's see where this will go; I won't hold back." I backed away to see Marinette's face light up as bright as a traffic light. I loved making her blush. I was going to have fun with this.
I turned back to look at Alya and Nino, who had just caught up with us, standing frozen with their mouths agape. "Dude..... Adrien," Nino said with a dumbfounded look still on his face. "Who are you and what have you done with...... Adrien?"
I smirked while raising Marinette's hand and placing a kiss upon it making her blush even more. "I guess you will just have to watch and find out. Can we eat? I'm starving?"
For the first time in her life, Alya was speechless. Nino had to drag her towards the concession stand. "I think you broke Alya," Marinette whispered to me when we had gotten in line. Nino was still struggling in getting Alya to move.
"She hasn't even seen anything yet," I said with a mischievous grin.
Marinette tapped my nose with her index finger as she stood with her other hand on her hip. "I'm going to regret asking you to be yourself right before coming here, aren't I?"
"I'm counting on it," I replied with the most devilish smile I could muster. "But," I added, "I'm also counting on you loving every single minute of it......"
Marinette crossed her arms and tilted her head slightly off to the side and to the sky. "Don't get your hopes too high, oh mighty knight. You still have a long way to go to impress this princess."
My heart sunk just little bit at these words. That sounded exactly like something Ladybug would say when she was turning me down. But this wasn't Ladybug, and I wasn't Chat Noir. This was Marinette and Adrien. I would impress her because I would show her everything. Ladybug could never fall in love with me because she could never see the Adrien side of me. Marinette was right, I had to let her see everything before she could even think of falling in love.
"I know," I responded in a much more gentle tone and an honest smile, "but I'm willing to take that journey. You, Marinette, are worth the wait." I then fanned my arm outward in an motion that showed that she should move forward, ahead of me, in line. She blushed, again, and moved ahead.
I smiled, happy with what I had accomplished. I did it. I pulled off some classic sensitive Adrien behavior after showcasing some flirtatious Chat. I could do this. I could bring all parts of myself together and display them for Marinette to see. I just needed to stop thinking about it and do what my heart tells me.
Marinette once again laced her fingers through mine as she rested her head against my shoulder. "You, are one fascinating boy," she whispered, "I'm continually amazed by what you say and do. This is going to be one interesting day."
She was right about that. I was going to make sure of it. I wondered though, if one side of my personality would outweigh the other, or if I would find a balance of the two. Who was I really? Was Adrien or Chat a more accurate representation of myself, or was I really just a perfect blend of both of them? Only time, and me becoming more comfortable with myself and Marinette would tell.

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