shuffle & repeat - oneshots [complete]

the scientist

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everything was laid out in shambles. they were left to lay in the ruins of what once was, to feel the torturous stinging of broken pieces forcibly tied together with barbed wire. nothing was safe anymore, nothing was clean, and they were both left to pretend none of it was nearly as horrible as it was.

nothing was worse than the sight of the other crying. the sight of those blue eyes bloodshot and bleary with tears was enough to make his whole being crumble into nothingness. the hopelessness locked into those doe-y eyes, begging him not to let go...it felt like he'd stepped on a landmine. 

he thought it couldn't get any worse.

then, the other boy truly broke into two - soft sniffles and a few stray tears turned into stomach churning sobs and eyes flooded like a river after a storm. he caved in on himself - leaning back against the wall and sliding down it slowly. once he'd reached the floor, he brought his knees to his chest and hid away within himself. here was his beautiful angel, torn to pieces and left to stitch them up all on his own.

though he forced himself to remain steady, he could feel his throat closing up. he could feel his chest growing heavy and sore. though he couldn't see it, the colors were slowly dripping from his face and leaving him a ghostly shade of porcelain.

"geoff" he choked out, leaning against the counter as he continued to stand over the other. though his voice trembled, he refused to succumb to the tears he felt brimming in his eyes.

geoff did not speak, instead only peeking up at the other. he looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a truck - those same bloodshot crystal blues stabbing right through awsten when he dared to make eye contact. at this sight awsten could only lower himself onto the floor in front of him. he couldn't watch this anymore.

"geoff-god, i-i didn't mean for this to go so wrong..." he could barely bring his voice past a whisper now. he couldn't speak up or his voice would give out entirely; the pressure in the room enough to cut his vocal chords straight out of his neck.

"i'm sorry. i am so fucking sorry" he swallowed hard, trying to make that goddamn lump in his throat disappear, "this isn't your fault, and i don't want you to think it is"

geoff was wiping at his eyes now, trying so desperately to dry his face even though he was still crying. he couldn't look awsten in the eyes anymore - those multicolored eyes always reeled him back in. it always worked, and he hated how soft he could be. he held this charm that he had been attracted to since their earliest encounter - this charm that he always crawled right back into. loving awsten was like loving a garden full of wild roses; he was so beautiful, but he had thorns that could easily tear right through geoff and leave him scarred.

"it's just...i love you so much" awsten's hands shook as they reached out for geoff's - geoff only pulled away. "i want another chance. i-this won't happen again. i mean it this time gee" his voice faltered and he caved in, tears slowly cascading down his pale cheeks and leaving behind a salty trail that made his face glisten like a diamond.

this was all too much.

geoff slowly uncurled himself and sat upright, pushing away from awsten as he sat bent over himself. finding his grip on the counter, he pulled himself up and away from the other.

"that's-that's what you said last time, aws. and the time before that. if..." his voice cracked and he stopped speaking for a moment, trying to regain his composure, "if you really meant it, you would never have done it in the first place. i'm sick of this. i love you so much, and i can't help but feel you don't love me back until i want to leave"

these were the things he'd been thinking for years. from one 'mistake' to another, one nasty comment to the next, he always just accepted it. he knew awsten had his own issues - he'd known that long enough now, and had always respected that - but it didn't take away from the hurt he always felt. he loved his boy no matter what he said or what he did, but he could no longer carry the burden of a relationship doomed from the start. they were never meant for each other - they were puzzle pieces that did not fit together, a pair that did not match. their souls had never aligned with the other's at the same time, and deep in their bones they had known it all along.

they were stars from different galaxies, destined to remain apart no matter how badly they craved each other.