shuffle & repeat - oneshots [complete]

a wish

i know i'm on vacation so i should be partying or whatever but !! i've been listening to new music for a change and it's really inspiring me. expect a few updates. soft geoff content below and + younger!geoff x older!awsten and also some cute french nicknames !!

"i swear i'm gonna cry, i'm sick of trying to be tough"

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:**:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ 

on that rainy night he lay, blankets bunched in his fists as his stomach tied itself in knots. he always felt so insecure like this - it was always long after the other had fallen asleep that this would happen.

he'd lay, still in the silence, and he would feel the bugs scratch away at his bones and burrow deep into his skin. his stomach would begin a complex routine of flips and twirls, while his heart would dance merrily along. it'd pound in his chest and make his vision starry, but he supposed that was what he got for staying up and thinking like this.

awsten had called someone else's name. thie obviously meant that he didn't love geoff - how could he really? he was far too soft, too timid; awsten was adventurous. experienced. outgoing. all the things geoff only wished he could be.

and what was he then? awkward? clumsy? shy? insecure? those words fit him best, he was sure.

it was rare the two shared each other's company in intimacy - geoff had long ago expressed his general discomfort with those things. and though they'd since embraced each other in those ways, it didn't ever make him feel anymore confident. it never awoke in him what others had promised it would - instead, it just left him how he was right now. a shivering, insecure mess.

he turned onto his side and sucked in a shaky, yet deep, breath. this wasn't like the first time - that time he'd ended up crying in awsten's arms, and he was still embarrassed about it a year later. he did not know that the sight of him crying and shaking had kept awsten up for weeks out of sheer guilt - all he knew was his own guilt for his fear.

the distant glow of the city poured through the window, casting beams of whites and blues that streaked across awsten's plain navy walls and danced for geoff. he always loved the city lights, and the dim electric blues and shocks of white were the only things making him feel any less horrible. hell, he could feel the faintest of smiles painting itself on his lips as he laid still.

several full minutes ticked by this way, with geoff watching the lights glimmer in the farthest reaches of his vision, the only sounds filling the room being their own breathing.

then, sudden as ever, there was a shift in the bed. sheets rustled and tugged at geoff, pulling him free from his daydreams. turning, he was met with awsten's face shrouded in shadows. he was awake and staring right at geoff.

"hey," his voice was doused in sleep so heavy that it nearly pulled him back down into unconsciousness again. "you're still up?"

"y-yeah," his own voice made him flinch, he found himself barely able to raise his words up beyond a shy whisper.

"i was dreaming about you" awsten cooed, reaching forward and bringing one of geoff's hands into his own, "i wanted to make sure you were alright after earlier. i know you get scared sometimes"

and that was true. there were a lot of things geoff was afraid of - he was afraid of being hurt, of being dominated and controlled all the time. all the same, he was afraid of total darkness and really small spaces; but he was not afraid of awsten. when awsten got too excited or too heated he could intimidate geoff definitely - but he never truly scared him.

far from it, in fact.

so of course, geoff was quick to rebute, "i wasn't scared," (a half truth), "just...overwhelmed"

awsten detected the defensiveness, and rather than prodding, only squeezed his hand a little tighter and offered him his softest expression. geoff reciprocated the action by leaning forward into his embrace, taking in his scent and breathing in his essence.

"let's go back to bed, fluer" awsten offered, pulling the boy back down onto the pillows with him. the two laid there in the silence then, content to watch the city lights dance for them until their eyelids fluttered shut, both being embraced in the warmth and comfort of deep sleep.