Don't Wanna Love You

PART 8

DON'T WANNA LOVE YOU
PART 8

#dontwannaloveyou
#lunarose

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
                                                        (W. H. Auden)

Macam seribu kali sudah ini poem berulang2 di dalam kepala sa. Masa sa tidur pun  ini poem tidak berhenti replay dan replay. It speaks what's in my heart right now.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

God... Aaron... You were my everything... My North, my South, my East and West... Wherever I turned I would only see you...

Why god... Sa tidak pernah terfikir Aaron akan kasi tinggal sa begini... Sa selalu ingat yang kami akan tua sama2, bila si Bella sudah ada life dia sendiri-safe and happy, maka kami akan pigi enjoy dua orang, travel around the globe together like we have all the time in the world... Sa tidak pernah fikir jauh sampai ke part perpisahan abadi.. I thought we would always be together, forever... God....

I cried again.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

Yeah. I used to love star-gazing. With Aaron, of course. Masa bercinta kami selalu enjoy our night ride, pigi lepak sana Signal Hill, tengok pemandangan KK pada waktu malam, the lights looked like fireflies.

And then lepas sa bosan tingu bandar batu, sa akan tingu bintang2 di langit. Kalau dari   Kinabalu Peak lagilah, macam dekat sudah itu bintang. Aaron selalunya dengar saja sa bercakap2 sama bintang. Kadang2 mulau dia panggil sa, sebab bercakap sama bintang... tapi lepas tu terus dia cium kepala sa and tarik sa ke dalam pelukan dia. Oh how I missed that.

And now I hide in my room the whole time, I don't like the stars anymore. Not without Aaron. God.. I don't know how to do living without you bie...

And I cried, and I cried, and I cried.
I am not sure when did I fell to sleep. It feels dark. And cold.

**********************************************

"Rianna.. Rianna... ui kak....."

Sa rasa juga badan sa kena kasi goyang2 tapi sa tiada tenaga mau bangun.

Kalau panggil nama sa bunyi dia macam 'Rhianna' tu confirm adik sa, si Irene yang panggil. Trip kakak dia artis Hollywood dia bilang dulu... Nama dia Irina sebenarnya, tapi trip minta kena panggil Irene.

"Ui kak... panas badan ko ni! Damam ko ni kak... marilah bangun sa kasi kawan ko pigi mandi..."

Sa geleng kepala saja. Tangan sa saja sa mampu kasi gerak tulak badan tangan dia. Adik sa ni ada kasar sikit style dia. Kasi bangun org pun macam mau kasi roboh katil. Ini pun kira paling lembut sudah ni, mungkin dia tidak berani juga buli sa bila tingu keadaan sa macam ni.

"Eee jangan bah ko begini tondu... bangun.... mariii..."
Kan sa bilang. Kena tarik sudah sa, kena paksa bangun pigi bilik air.

"Reen...."
Itu saja sa sempat cakap. Terus sa pitam. Nasib si gulombon sempat daa tangkap badan sa. Tidaklah menyembah lantai konkrit tu. Mau 5 minit juga baru sa rasa stabil sikit.

Terus si Reen sama mama sa bising2 sana. Sa tidak tau apa dorang bergotong-royong bising sa ni. Sudahlah sa pening betul. Sedar-sedar sa dalam kereta sudah. Si Irine yang drive. Eee ada lesen ka ni budak ni.. ah padulilah. Sa paning!

Tingu2 sampai sudah kami di klinik. Kabur2 mata sa mau tingu tu klinik. Tadi dalam kereta sa tunduk saja pigang kepala. Paning bei..

Astaga. Banyak2 klinik kenapa klinik ni juga ko bawa ah Reen... Macam sa bilang tu hari sa berjanji last sudah sa pigi ini klinik. Sa tidak sempat mau protes, sudah kena tarik Irene masuk. Haiya sa ikut sajalah. Sa pun tiada tenaga mau melawan.

Apa2 sajalah Reen asal kamu puas hati sama mama... dari hari tu lagi mama bising2 suruh bawa sa pigi jumpa doktor.. makin kurus, tambah lagi tidak mau makan.. nanti sakit dia bilang si mama.

Sa tau juga baitu dia susah hati tingu keadaan sa begini. Minta maaf ma, sa pun tidak mau terus begini.. tapi sa tidak mampu tarik diri sa keluar dari keadaan sa sekarang... sabar sajalah kamu ma.. doa yang baik2 untuk sa...