2:29 AM

Chapter Sixty-Three

My alarm wakes me up even though I didn't really sleep. Ellie died yesterday and I have to go to Graduation. I walk over to the closet and slip on a dress and heels. I walk downstairs. Ms. Hopkins is sitting at the table, staring into a cup of coffee. She looks up when she sees me.

"Do you have somewhere to be?" she asks. I nod.

"High school graduation." She nods.

"There's coffee if you want some," she tells me. I pour a cup and sit across from her.

"How are you doing today?" I ask. She shrugs.

"Not much better." She looks at me. "I don't know what to do. I see her everywhere."

"Try to move on," I say. "But you have to grieve first." I get up and walk into the kitchen, setting my cup in the sink. I walk upstairs and grab grab my robe and cap. I brush my teeth and hair and spray on perfume.

I grab my purse and walk downstairs. "I have to go. I'll be back in the afternoon." Ms. Hopkins nods. I walk out of the house and unlock my car. It's dark out and the sun hasn't risen.

Everything's blurred as I get to school and wait with all of the other Seniors. I can't focus on anything. All I can think about is Ellie. Someone says something to me but I don't hear it. I'm staring at the ground, looking at the pattern of the tile.

I don't know how I'm supposed to be okay. I hear an annoying nasal voice that pulls me out of my thoughts. "Ugh, it's so unbelievable! I wish she would just go and cut her throat. No one even likes her." I look up. It's some slutty bitch who's name I can't even remember.

I stand up and shove her. She falls and I walk away."Hey, bitch! Get back here!" she calls after me. I keep walking.

I slide against the wall and sit down. I bring my knees to my chest and my eyes shut. I fall asleep.

Someone nudges me and helps me up. The smell is familiar, sharp and masculine, but I can't place it in my hazy mind. I blink and rub my eyes, trying to see who it was but they're gone. Everyone's filing out of the door. We're going to the auditorium. Everything's blurred and I can't really see straight.

The valedictorian gives a speech and then names are called. Somehow my name is called and I walk up on stage to retrieve it. I see my parents in the audience.

Graduation ends and I walk over to my parents. "Congratulations," Dad says. I force a smile.

"Thanks." Mom's on her phone.

"How about we go for something to eat," Dad says. I nod.

"I'll follow you guys to the restaurant," I say. We walk to the parking lot and split up. I follow them to the restaurant.

We walk inside and Mom pretends to be good. She pretends to be happy for me. Dad says something that I don't hear. "What'd you say?" I ask.

"I said I heard about Eleanor's death. I'm sorry," he says. I nod.

"Who's Eleanor?" Mom asks.

And I can't take it anymore. I stand up.

"Eleanor was a brave and unforgettable girl," I say. Mother rolls her eyes "Not that this matters, but I got into Harvard and Stanford. I'm going to Harvard. Oh, and Dad? Mother's a fucking whore. I caught her with Harrison the day before your birthday at our cabin. She said that she's not even sure that your my father. Plus, she's said that she'd fuck pretty much anyone but you."

"That's it! You little bitch!" Mom says. But I'm already gone. I'm in my car driving and I know I have to leave.

I can't be here anymore. I drive to Ellie's house and walk inside. I don't think Ms. Hopkins has moved at all.