Sinking feeling in yout gut, palms slick with sweat, a lump in your throat.
You're not doing anything important. Not giveing a speech, doing a presentation, talking in any way shape or form. No, you're sat off to the side as the people around you talk.
In my case we're in Drama Club. The senior play is having practice and you're an extra, like some others that are in your grade.
One of your closest friend is here but talking to her boyfriend. People you thought you were friends with are talking to each other and ignoring you. The only other friends you could talk to are on stage reading lines or runnning around doing tech things.
You pull out your phone to try and distract yourself. It doesn't work.
You think back to a time that the whole drama club was playing a game and someone said you were the worst actor/actress, they explained later that they answered your name because they knew they could explain that it was a lie and that you wouldn't be offended. They're right you wouldn't be offended, but it still would hurt.
You're in band, choir, Japanese Club.
But you know, no matter how much your friends say otherwise, that you're no good in any of it.
You can't act, sing, play the clarinet, or speak Japanese very well.
You've always loved singing, do it all the time, but you know that you're bad at it. Acting was always something you wanted to do, you always loved theater, all the better if it was a musical, but deep down you know you can't do it. You've been playing the clarinet for years, yet you still can't play well. You might be a second year in Japanese class but you're the worst in the school.
The only thing you seem to be able to do right is read a book, or a whole series, and obess over it until you know every tiny detail about that world you had been sucked into.
What kind of talent is that?
Your talent is to fangirl? Really?
Sliding down the wall you fall back into that pit you dance around so much. Dancing around the rim trying not to fall in, dancing to the tune of any music you can listen to; Heathers, Be More Chill, Hamiltion, Wicked, any musical you an get your hands on, Green Day, Matchbox Twenty, countless other bands. But you fall in yet again.
But you use the rope you always use to climb out.
A rope made of your favortie youtuber's videos, of music, of those worlds that your favorite authors so carefully crafted.
That's your talent.
Hiding your broken spirt and dulling the pain with your obessions.
