LITTLE HEART ↳ JON SNOW

fourteen

JON OPENED THE LETTER FROM HIS BELOVED CATALINA BUT SOON CLOSED IT AGAIN. He couldn't believe what he had read. Why did she hate him? He had done not a thing to deserve her hatred. But maybe that was it. Maybe it is because he did nothing that she hated him.

He could imagine for a moment being in her place. She was alone, he was all that she had and he could do nothing. He would be angry too. Jon grabbed his chest, his hand gripping his shirt as he felt physical pain beneath his palm. It hurt to imagine her hating him. It was unfathomable .

He stood and walked towards the fire, his coat trailing behind him. The flickering of the flames made his eyes burn in the slightest, but the pain kept him grounded, kept his thoughts turning. He contemplated what he could do, if there was anything he could do, if he could change anything, if he could help her. He knew the answer. He was stuck. He would never see her again. There was no use in ruining her life any further. But thinking of a life where she didn't speak to him, where she didn't exist was like pure torture, it pained him to think of it. The frigid air kept him alert, he couldn't seem to shake off the feeling of judgement. He wouldn't admit it, but he was afraid.

After a while he sat and tortured himself with the thought of his brother dying or even Catelyn who had never loved him. He thought of his beautiful Catalina walking down the aisle, being given away to an ugly old man. She was wearing a white wedding dress, and she had a frown permanently stitched into her face. She would not offer that man a smile, she wouldn't dare. Her dark eyes would be filled with a thousand riddled emotions and no Frey would be smart enough to decipher them. A tear would slip down her cheek and Catalina would wipe it away quickly, so she didn't show weakness. Jon's fist clenched at his side as he pictured it. Pictured her wasting away at the Twins. She was so much more than a wife of a Frey. She was destined for more.

He wanted to be the only man she walked to. But he gave up his chance when he left. He told himself that he should let her go, she was far too precious for someone like him to hold onto. He told himself he wasn't worthy, that she would benefit from not speaking to him. It was his fault things turned out the way they did. Her entire life would be different if he had stayed.

That very night he vowed to move on, to forget the woman that haunted his dreams.

===

CATALINA STARED SOLEMNLY INTO THE FIREPLACE, TRYING TO STOP THE TEARS RUNNING DOWN HER FACE. She had been told to end anything going on with Jon, after her husband had found their letters. She knew she should have burned them after she read them, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. His words were the only thing that brought serenity to her life. His words were the only thing saving her. She had wept on the floor for hours when her husband found them, when he burned them all and laughed as she cried. He had reached down, forcing her to look at him and grabbing her chin in his hand. He had evil in his eyes, he was the villain in her story.

"You obey me. You married me." He had laughed in her face as she cried harder, realizing the truth. He just held her tighter. "If I find another letter I will kill you."

Her own husband had threatened to kill her if she didn't. Her husband was a brute, and he didn't spare her innocence on their wedding night. He didn't care. He craved her like he had known her his entire life, like she was some antidote for an illness and he was sick with it. He had ravaged her, left her honorless and broken. She only wanted one man, one lover. She tried to think of him while it happened, but it did not help.

She had to get to him. Catalina swore she would do whatever it took it her to Jon. No matter what.