LITTLE HEART ↳ JON SNOW

fifteen

CROW,

Do you wait in agony for my word? Does your will to exist perish in the way that mine does until you have the scroll at your fingertips and you read my coveted words? Do you ache for a response in the way that I do? In what world would it not be torture for me to love you? In what world would I not be forced to admit terribly dishonest things? I would never write those wretched words and mean them. I could never.

Do not tell anyone of this letter. Jon I need you the same as I need air in my lungs. The same as I need food in my belly and water on my tongue. A world without you is sour and hideous and I would rather not survive in the torment of it. I need to feel you. I crave even the simplest of your touches. A finger pressed to mine, a breath from your lips on my face, even just a glance. I need to know you're alive and breathing. I need to know that you want the same. I lie in fear at night of the fact I am forgetting your face, forgetting the fine lines that I used know so very well.

You broke my heart  and I am left with no other options but to still love you. Every night I fantasize about you, about being near you, about hearing from you, about laying in bed beside you and not this man who I have claimed as my husband only in name.

I fear I will do something terrible to rid myself of this awful man. I fear I will kill him. I want to. I crave his blood at my hands in the way that I crave your touch. Endlessly and without mercy. I watched as he massacred your brother, slain as if he was nothing and no one. I will never forget the pain of losing him.  I dream of getting out of this place, disappearing into the night and somehow escaping. But if I do there will be no place for me to go. Winterfell is not a place for Starks anymore. And while I am no Stark, your family knew me, they took me as their own and I could be trusted. Bottoms run rampant now, assuming they have power because they are filthy. They will know no power when the gods take them, they will attend the hells as nothing but a beggar, being judged for what they have done here.

How much longer must I wait to feel you again? Forever? If that is how long I dont think I will be able to bear it. If I die don't forget me.

CATALINA