LITTLE HEART ↳ JON SNOW

eighteen

CATALINA SLIPPED OUT OF THE GRASP OF HER HUSBAND WHO INSISTED SHE STAY IN HIS BED NO MATTER WHAT. It was a relief to be away from him the moment she left his side, her body relaxing in his absence. Her goal was to be as quiet as possible, her body shaking in fear and from the cold as she started towards a chest that held her husbands clothes. In all of her time of planning she had known what to do, the woman deciding a dress wouldn't help her, it would only weigh her down, and if she survived the fall...she wouldn't need the extra weight. She dressed herself in her husbands loose fitting clothes and pulled on a pair of his shoes, dreading the night ahead but knowing she would rather escape or die than be here any longer. She started towards the door of the bedroom, her hand turning the knob and the door creaking louder than she expected, her breath stopping in her throat as she looked back at the man in bed. Immense fear coursed through her ice cold veins and she stopped dead in her tracks. He was looking right at her.

"Where are you going?" He asked, his voice gruff and low as she shook in the doorway. His eyes bore into the darkness that surrounded her and she swore she could see hellfire in them. She kept her fingers on the door and was prepared to run, the woman smiling in the darkness and swallowing her fear, thinking of an excuse quickly.

"I'm starving." She whispered, her voice not faltering once. If he found out what she was going to do then she would never escape or even have the chance again. He grunted loudly, almost a chuckle and then turned over and went back to sleep. Catalina sighed in relief, a strange combination of happiness and weariness relaxing her. She hurried out of the room and let out her breath, relieved that she was able to get away from him. The more space she put between herself and that man the better she felt, her lungs filling to a new capacity as she seemed to catch into some sense of freedom and individuality again. She continued her journey through the halls, trying her hardest to avoid any life that was roaming the castle like she was. It was no rare occasion that someone would be in the halls at night, the guards on high alert since the wedding considering the war they had waged and the side they had taken.

She scolded herself when she realized she was thinking as if she was a part of them, the woman remembering that she would never be a part of these wretched people. No name of ceremony could bind her to these demons, and she had peace in her heart knowing one day...one day they would pay for what they had done.

She made her way out of the castle and onto the wind battered bridge that connected the two towers. The sky was black with stars littering it, and she stared up at the moon as if she would keep her safe, her soul feeling bonded to the beauty of it. She considered Jon staring up at the same sky, and then she remembered he was at the wall, and that rather than staring up at it...he was probably touching it. The thought of him soothed her and the possibility that she may one day see him again gave her the will to live, her fear still building like a hall on her chest as she knew the next part of the plan. She put it off for as long as possible, looking up at the sky again and trying to find that peace she had claimed. She approached the side of the bridge and looked over a gasp escaping her lips as she saw the raging water beneath her. She was terrified but she was more terrified of spending her life with a man she didn't, couldn't, and wouldn't love.

She was visibly shaken, her knees becoming weak as she realized how high she was above the water. She could die, she knew that. But everyone dies. And if she died here then at least she wouldn't have to bear a life in the traitors grasp. At least she wouldn't be enslaved to a life of misery here. Her mind went into a frenzy and she just stopped listening to the different voices that were screaming at her. She looked back over the edge and climbed onto the side of the bridge, her shoes protecting her feet from the painful rock underneath them.

"I love you Jon." She said, knowing that if those were her last words that she would be content with death. That if her proclamation was the last that the universe heard from her, then at least it was true and filled with love. She didn't cry as she leaned forward slightly but not enough to fall. Just as she was about to step off she heard a voice call out to her.

"What are you doing?" She turned her head to see Walda Frey with wide eyes and a gaping mouth. Before Catalina could answer she pulled her down, helping her onto her feet. Catalina fought against her to get back to the edge but the woman was stronger than her, and she couldn't fight back. "Why were you on the ledge Catalina?"

"I have come to die, Walda. Leave me be!" Catalina lied through her teeth, she fully intended to live. The woman's eyes widened and she looked at the frantic girl with surprise, stunned by her honesty."Go back to bed Walda, this is not your concern."

After a few moments of silence and pondering Catalina was surprised herself when Walda let go of her, her face holding one of indecision as she turned away from the girl. Her eyes softened and a sense of relief crashed over Catalina for the second time when Walda seemed to understand, leaving her on the bridge by herself and never looking back. It was no surprise she was understanding, Catalina was sure she had probably thought of it herself a few times.

Catalina climbed onto the ledge again, this time nothing stopping her from plunging into the water. She held her breath and jumped, the air not making her feel weightless like she had assumed. She didn't yell or scream, instead gasping right before she hit the water like a brick. The instant she was submerged in the freezing water she was near unconsciousness, her eyes opening but being met with nothing but darkness. Still she saw something ahead of her, fear filling her when she realized it was a person. She was pulled above water by the savage current and then just as quickly pulled back down. Her eyes fell on the figure again before she was pulled back up, still unable to make out what she was seeing below the water. The third time she was plunged into the water the figure had features, the figure was Jon Snow, reaching out to her. Her eyes lit up with relief and then she hit something beneath the water the lights going out as she was pulled into unconsciousness.