LITTLE HEART ↳ JON SNOW

twenty

CATALINA,

Please don't do anything crazy. I want you safe. I will come for you. I will die trying to save you. I think of you laying with another man. I think of you saying marriage vows with another man and all these thoughts sicken me. I think these thoughts and my body feels overcome with a strange weight. I do not regret joining the Watch because I thought that it would keep me from ruining you with my love. I thought all my love would do is burden you greatly and for that I apologize.

When I find you, when I get to you, I want you all to myself. I will steal you from your awful husband. I will murder him with my hands if need be. Him and his whole family for what they have done to my own. Catalina you are my life. You are the reason I still breathe. Please don't get yourself hurt. I would never be able to forgive myself if I let you get hurt and didn't even try to save you.

I have already let you down. I let another man have you for the first time and I took another woman for the first time. I am naive. For all my life my heart had belonged to you and then in just moments I felt that it had been given to someone else. But yet as I was holding her in my arms, when she was dying, I couldn't help but think about how much more my heart would grieve if it were you in her place.

No, laying with another woman wasn't my mistake. Letting her take my heart away from you was my mistake. To hold her corpse in my arms was agony but to hold yours would kill me. I would be forever lost in the darkness without you to guide me. My heart would not be with me any longer, it would be with you and your own. I would be a walking corpse, alive but dead.

My heart is broken. I am hurting more than I ever could have imagined. My father died, Robb died, Sansa is in pain where she is. Yet through all the pain of loss and my utter disbelief I picture your glorious smile guiding me towards happiness. Or an illusion of happiness because happiness is only a facade. It's a fake that has been believed to be real. Happiness is sadness in marvelous disguise.

I would break any vow to be with you. You are my vow. I am eternally bound to you whether I like it or not. Do not die.

CROW