Lovato-Jonas

-TWELVE-

Today it's Sunday,usually I love Sunday's but not today.
I hate today because it means tomorrow I go back to school nooooo

I'm really dreading going back to school, I mean I'm never excited about going back but this time it's different. This time I'm scared. I don't know what is making me so scared because everything at school is fine for me. I have friends,my teachers are nice& I'm not getting bullied. I really have nothing to worry about yet i am.Literally thinking about it makes me want to crawl up into a ball and cry which is what I have done many times over the past few days.

I haven't told anyone. I mean my mom&dad know I don't want to go back but they don't know that I'm literally scared. I know it sounds stupid;it is stupid. I don't think I can do it.

Right now it's 2 in the afternoon,I have just woken up. I was awake most of the night again worrying about school.Its been keeping me up for the past few days& I'm sure it will tonight also.

I really don't have the motivation to do anything today. I just wanna lay in bed and watch Netflix. I'm sure mom won't be fond of the idea she hates me being lazy. She says i need to be productive and get things done in order to be positive and I guess she's right but today I don't care.

-timeskip-

It now past 9 and I haven't done anything at all today really. Mom did try to get me out of bed around 3 for lunch&to take my medication but it didn't work, in the end she just brought my food up to me. She stayed with me awhile I could tell she was worried about me,she always worries. We watched kuwtk  until dad called us down for dinner around 7:30, I wasn't hungry but mom managed to get me down. It was the first time I'd really moved today except going to the toilet. After dinner I just went straight back upstairs to my room, I just don't feel like being around people today. I wanna be alone.

For the past hour or so I've just been laid here,doing absolutely nothing. Just laying down on my bed starring at my ceiling,school always ruins everything for me. The whole summer I've been 'happy' or as happy as I can be. Besides the anxiety& a few bad days I've been great. Definitely the happiest I've felt in a long time. Now school is back&BAM, I feel like shit again.

"Come on jade,it's 9:30 go get ready for bed you need to be up early tomorrow!"Mom says walking into my room&sitting on the edge of my bed

"Noo"I groan,closing my eyes pretending to go to sleep

"Yes Jade,come on I'll start your shower for you" she replies walking into my bathroom, I don't wanna move. I definitely don't want to shower. I'm not in the mood.

"Right come on now,I'm being serious you need to shower&get ready for bed please Jade. I don't want any arguments tonight so please just do as your told"Mom says from the doorway of my bathroom.

I decide to get it over with so without saying another word I walk into my closet grab my pyjamas&underwear. Then I go back into my room push past her into my bathroom, slamming the door in her face in the process. I quickly lock the door&sigh. I fall to the ground and sit against my door.

I don't know why I'm mad at mom. I don't have a reason to be but I just am.

After a couple minutes of sitting and doing nothing I decide to actually shower before she comes back into my room&shouts at me. I slowly get up off the floor &begin to undress. Once I am,I step into the shower. I quickly wash my hair&body. Then I just stand letting the burning hot water hit me. Before long I'm crying&struggling to breath sat on my shower floor. Am I really this pathetic.. I guess I am.