Use Me (GirlxGirl)

Eleventh Chapter

A/N: Enjoy!

I was told by Venus to wake up at my usual time, eat, do something active, and get ready to sleep for awhile. I need to prepare for the trip we're taking to see The Doctor. Of course, I won't be asleep during the whole duration of Venus' treatment, but the trip to get there will take awhile, and it's best to just get it done in one night.

So that's why Ragna is staring at me with her jaw dropped as I laced up my running shoes. Once I finish I stand up and cross my arms, "What?" I ask her.

"It's just...you haven't worn those in like a year or two. Are you actually running?"

I grit my teeth and hold back my anger, "Haha, yeah I am. Who knew I can actually run, am I right?"

Ragna chuckles along and waves as I leave. Begin to make my way down the street, starting with a fast walk, then jog, then I start running. My feet graze the ground as I feel the familiar breeze of air.

I'm not mad at Ragna for acting surprised, because what she said was true. I haven't gone out to run for years. I used to do so regularly, but once I stopped taking my medication I stopped running, like how I stopped doing a lot of things.

For some reason I keep comparing my life now to the life I had years ago when I turned eighteen, trying to decide which is better, but always conclude that they both suck in different ways. Then I continue to compare them two minutes later. I shake my head and try to concentrate on controlling my breathing as I speed down the street.

After running and jogging for an hour or so, I head back to the warmth of my own home. It doesn't feel as chaotic as it did yesterday, but instead, a depressing air looms over everyone. Again, I couldn't decide which was better, the anticipation of doom or what comes after.

I'm welcomed to an empty home, or what feels like one. Moa and Ragna seemed to finally get the message to leave me alone, so instead of crying over me, they're sulking by themselves. I could breathe a little easier but regret it at the same time. I carefully walk over to the kitchen, hearing my mother sigh.

"Hey...mom," I say, careful not to trigger a river of tears.

She slowly turns and sadly smiles at me, "Hi sweetie."

I rub the back of my neck and search for the words I want to say. "So, I'm gonna take a shower and head to bed...and sleep for...awhile."

"Oh okay. Why so early sweetie?"

"I just... didn't get a lot of sleep last night...or the night before." I say and watch Moa freeze in place. She manages to nod her head and fights back her tears. 

"Okay, Cybby...I love you."

I want to embrace her and tell her I'll be okay but I know I'll end up doing that for hours and spilling any secrets I have left. So I weakly wave her goodbye and drag myself to the garage. Now I need to make sure Ragna won't wake me up either.

The door in the hall to the garage creaks open and I peak my head in. Ragna sits on her bed with a cigarette, "Hey kid, what's up?"

I walk in and shut the door behind me. "Nothing. I'm just gonna sleep for awhile and I just wanted to ask you not to wake me up or anything."

My aunt doesn't even glance at me but hums in response. "Hm, okay. I won't wake you."