Those Bloody Tears

Chapter Seven

     The following week I was astonished to see Andy walk through the dressing room door. I hadn't heard from him since what I saw in the bathroom and I didn't think he would show his face at work so soon. He never acknowledged my presence and didn't talk to anyone while he was doing their makeup. He was saving me for last.

           I talked to Jesse distractedly for a few minutes and had him get me a glass of water while I waited for Andy to get to me. I knew him well enough, now, not to bum rush him with questions so I waited until he was finished doing my makeup to say anything.

            I couldn’t help but look him up and down, my eyes rested on his scorched chocolate brown eyes. "Andy, are you okay?" I asked a simple question in a non-accusing voice.

            "Yeah, I'm fine. I h-have to go," he said turning away.

            I caught him by a thin wrist and carefully spun him around. "Andy, I'm not mad. I just want to know.. to understand.. what happened."

            He couldn't look me in the eye he just stared down at our feet; normally I would joke about him staring at my crotch, but today was not normal. "I-I'm fine. I just ate too much."

            I tilted his head up and forced him to look me in the eyes. "Andy, don't lie to me."

            He jerked his chin out of my grasp and looked down. "I'm not."

                                                                                                                 •Andy's P.O.V•

            I couldn't let him know that I did eat too much, but I also threw up on purpose. I couldn't let him know how bad it was getting. I couldn't let him know that I had been to the doctors and they said that if I didn't stop it could be fatal. I couldn't let him know that I can't even hold food down anymore. That if I try, I just end up throwing up.

           The doctors told me that I'm too skinny and I looked emaciated, but I disagree. I used to be fat, really fat, now I'm not. I found the one diet that works and I couldn't stop even if I wanted to.

            "Yes, you are, Andy, I can tell when you are lying," he said with pained eyes that kept searching my face. Which took me by surprise; I didn’t know that he had the ability to be upset by something that didn’t directly involve him.

            Of course I was lying, I'm an awful liar. It was obvious that I was sick; he was just blind to anything but getting me into bed. If I had ‘I can't hold down a meal anymore’ tattooed to my forehead he wouldn't have noticed. It took him watching me commit the act to notice.
But I couldn’t tell him that I was sick. They might put me in the hospital, force me to eat, to eat too much and get fat again. It would be like they did to that one kid a few grades younger than me last year. He wasn't the same when he came back to school and I wouldn't be either. I might feel better not emptying my lunch. Not constantly running to the bathroom after eating and letting that filthy acid burn my throat. I was used to it by now though; I had to carry a toothbrush around with me wherever I go. My stomach wouldn't twist and feel like it was eating itself anymore. But what if he thinks I'm crazy? I couldn't that. I had to keep lying.

            "I'm not lying. It was because I was hung-over and ate too much."

            A wave of bitterness washed through me. He had gotten me drunk. As hard as I had tried not to drink he ruined that. But there's nothing I could do about it now. I brought myself back to the issue at hand.

            “Andy," he said in a heart wrenching tone. He carefully pulled me into a hug, acting as if I was breakable all if the sudden. "Do you want help?" he whispered in my ear. Yes!
"Why would I need help?" I asked putting my denial pants on and pulling out of his grasp.

            He brushed his lips against the top of my head. "Because you're bulimic," he whispered and looked into my ugly eyes.

                                                                                                                        •Maxxie's P.O.V•

            I had to gather all of my strength to utter those three words. I carefully watched his face as it fell. I could tell he was close to breaking and I f****** hated that I was the one going to make him.

           "I-I'm not I promise," he said wiping his nose and began walking away.

            I just stared after his retreating form. Could I be over reacting? Maybe it was just because the kid had gotten completely wasted at the party and the food was too much for him. It’s not like it had never happened to me before. Everyone reacted to drugs and alcohol differently.
D*** why did I care so much?
XxXxX

            I looked out into the crowd trying to build up the high that usually comes with performing, but I just couldn’t muster it. I was too worried about Andy. I had been thinking of nothing but him since he left the dressing room days ago. I regretted not going after him. I should have kept after him.

           I saw a familiar face in the sea of faces and stumbled over the lyrics of  Schrei in die Nacht. (screem into the night). Concern washed over the audience around Andy, but he just looked back at me blank faced. He probably couldn’t tell that I could see him.
 I rushed through the remainder of the song and formulated a speech.

            "This next song is dedicated to someone I actually care about. I just found out that they are really sick and need a lot of help. So scream extra f****** hard during Voice Unheard" I shouted, eliciting screams from everyone in the crowd.

Then I started belting out the lyrics:
“My voice unheard,
ungehört (unheard)
My blood unseen,
ungesehen (unseen)
My terror unfelt,
ungefühlt (unfelt)
My emotions are in your hands,
in Ihren Händen (in your hands)
I feel my throat,
Tightening as I start to choke,
You stare at me with a gaze,
I feel the fatal haze
Surround me,
It's getting dark,
I feel numb,
I slip into a trance,
My veins start to dance,
fangen an zu tanzen (start to dance)
als schlüpfe ich in Trance (as I slip into a trance) 
I am finally free
endlich frei (finally free) “

            I finished up the song and exhaled. I took a deep breath before saying, "Sie sind nicht fett. Also bitte aufhören zu denken, Sie sind. Wenn Sie Fett sind, dann bin ich eine mollige Chaser, (You are not fat. So please stop thinking you are. If you are fat, then I'm a chubby chaser. )" and walked off stage.

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Okay so the youtube video is so perfect for Andy, the next chapter I post will have another song that fits as well. 

-Edit: Someone tell me if this is better.-