Tell Her I'm Sorry

Damage

The damage is done. It cannot be taken back. I've done what I set out to do and now everything is ruined. My mother hates me...no...not just hate. Hate isn't a strong enough word for how my mother feels about me now. She despises me. I've taken her precious idea of a daughter and shattered her into a million pieces.

I'm in my car in some random part of town now. After I left the house and I had no idea where I was going. I just drove until I couldn't see through my tears. The only problem with that is, now I'm alone. Completely and totally alone. I feel empty. Like a hollowed out shell of the girl I once was. All because I thought I should be brave.

How can this feeling be better than hiding. So what I was scared before? At least I had a family then. Now my mother will tell everyone and I'll have no one left...And you wanna know the worst part? I'm scared still. I'm scared that Emily won't want me anymore...after all I've done.

I feel like my whole life has become a game of "what ifs". Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for someone to tell me everything is going to be ok. Waiting for the right moment to be honest. Just waiting.

Well you know what? I'm sick and tired of waiting. I'm going to live my life the way I want to live it and nothing and no one will stop me. I love Emily. I'm going to go to her...tell her I'm sorry. Tell her that I love her and have always loved her. She needs to know that I need her. I need the happiness and the life she brings to me. Because in the end...Emily is the reason for everything.