Losing Light

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The guard leads me to certain doom.

I had no idea who-and what-awaited me in that room, and I for sure did not want to find out. It could've been the goddamn president of the United States, and I would refuse to see the leader of the country. It could've been my most adored celebrity figure. I still wouldn't have gone.

Being isolated for seven weeks and having a stranger come up to me was one thing. Another person coming in to my life, or at least back in it, would mean screwing up my insanely tough guard. Isolation had been a close acquaintance; I had no need for anyone or anything else. If anything happened during this meaning...I would not want it to take a bad blow to my mental health. I was prone to having panic attacks in certain situations.

The guard looks at the drops of sweat arising from my hairline. "Are you alright, ma'am?"

"Fine." I dismiss his worry, well, a worry he had to have to do his job. The only person who might've cared in the slightest was Gareth, and I just met him. "Open the door."

He unlocks the door with one of many unassisted keys on a fist-sized chain. A couple of other prisoners are in the visitation room (rather than the telephone room that my brother visited me in) chatting with whoever. I personally didn't care at all. My eyes wander to a lone beauty, twiddling her thumbs and biting her bottom lip in anxiety.

I shuffle forward to her table, until she hears me stumble a bit on the flat floor. Her eyes widen as she takes sight of me.

"Violet." Reyna breathes life into a meaningless name. I close my eyes and devour her voice, a serenade to my ears leading me to the person I called home. I physically ache in her presence. I want to call her home again.

"Hello, Reyna." I say. I must be quite the sight, in a bright orange jumpsuit with unkept hair and a leaner body. She certainly has never seen me like this before. I just remember it would've been a good idea to wash my face.

"Sit down." She says gently, but gingerly as well. I want more time to take in her petite, porcelain body and recall its secrets as I stare into her light brown eyes. But I cannot. I want to touch her and feel her body shiver and mold into me. Yet I am not allowed to touch her, as it is a no-no in this heartbroken/mind-broken place.

"W-why'd you come?" I stutter, and curse myself for the moment of weakness. The better question would've been a mere "how are you", but I wasn't in the mood to settle into that conversation graveyard.

Reyna suddenly takes interest in her pixie hair, which I notice is quite recent. Her newly-cut raven hair stirs something inside of me. It reminds me of more intimate days, nights filled with passion. The thought makes me sad, just a bit, enough to avert my eyes from Reyna and onto the floor, like my pre-rebel days.

"You look beautiful with your hair like that." I whisper to the ground.

I wish I had complimented her more in the past. I mean, I did say she was beautiful, but not at the right times. I thought it, though. I said she was beautiful in her new dress, or when her makeup looked just right. But she was really beautiful when the sun hit her face just right as a cold breeze blew her hair back, making her shiver into me. Something always held me back, so I never told her. I just held her against my chest, hoping she'd interpret my heart's beats and know what I thought of her.

She looks up, surprised at my comment. So she had heard. "Oh! Uh, thank you. I got it cut last week."

I hide a smirk at her blushing face. Her cuteness just about overwhelms me. Anything she does is so damn perfect.

However, her blush goes as quickly as it comes. A serious look replaces it instead. My momentarily good humor fades away as well.

"I miss you."

I gaze and see anguish in her eyes. "I miss having a warm bed in the morning. I miss you holding me against yourself. I miss drinking your coffee in the morning. I miss picking up after you and scolding you for it. God, I miss you so much, I feel so empty without you." Reyna chokes out, tears streaming down her lovely face.

I ignore the no-touching rule and embrace her over the table. I bury my face in her neck, kissing her everywhere I can before the guard pulls me back. She immediately draws close to me and sets her chin on my shoulder. "No physical contact." He reminds me roughly with a squeeze on my shoulder. I suppose he understood, and let it slide. This was the first time that I had been seen as...soft.

Reyna replaces my hand with one of her own, holding it tightly. I put a hand on the back of my neck awkwardly. "I'm sorry. I just, I really, uh, well-"

"Miss me?"

I clear my throat. "Uh, yeah. I do. I really, really do." I had never been comfortable with vocal confessions. Reyna knew that, and could complete my sentences with just a glimpse of my face.

She looks at me tenderly, with pain across her face. "I love you so much. You know that, right?"

"Where are you going with this?" I answer suspiciously.

Her beautiful light eyes well up with tears. "We can't be together, Violet."

"But I thought you said you had to think about it."

"I said that as of then our engagement was postponed until I could reach a decision about our future. This is too much for me, Vi. I know it was an accident, but I can't stay strong when there are people who constantly remind and put me down for it. I don't know if I'll be okay for you when you get out. I'm a mess. I'm so sorry, Violet."

My breathing heightens and my heart bangs against my chest. No. She couldn't possibly be leaving me. I needed her now more than ever. I wanted her to be there when I got out of here so I could marry her. I loved her ever since I saw her alone on a park bench, a college dropout who waitressed at a McDonald's. She was perfect anyways and she was still perfect now. But I could not deny how disappointedly frustrated I was with this current situation.

"Don't." I whisper hoarsely. I grab her hand desperately in a final attempt to get her to stay. "Reyna, please. I'll get out sooner if I've got good behavior. Please, just wait for me 'till then."

She takes hand away from mine, and wipes her eyes. "I can't, Violet. I'm sorry." Reyna rushes out of the room. I stand quickly and try to follow her down the hallway. The guards struggle to hold me.

"I love you!" I yell at her fleeting form, while being dragged away to my cell. "I fucking love you!"