Losing Light

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

As much as I loved the pay of my job, and my job itself, it took a lot of willpower to get myself out of bed. Not because I had to be at the office at 6:00 sharp, but because of the cruelty of some of my coworkers. They would verbally antagonize me, and, as many complaints I had filed, nothing was done about it. I'd come home tired and with tears in my eyes. Jackie would offer me her shoulder and tissues, but it only would remind me of the torment I would have to make the next day.

They torment me about Violet, of course. I could never escape her. She was constantly yelling my name in my thoughts and her own name was spat through the mouths of others.

I rose into the kitchen to make my own coffee. Violet would make me some of her specially made coffee that would put Starbucks to shame. And she would make me a bagel with just the right amount of cream cheese. Nowadays I only drink black coffee with a sugar and cream, if Jackie doesn't wake up before me to make me an omelette. She's a good cook when she wants to be.

I sigh and rise, sleepily picking a blazer, a skirt, and a white blouse for today. My hands twist my hair into a bun. Violet used to love to watch me get ready for work, sometimes almost making me late because my skirt "was meant to take off". I never minded. I loved the attention she gave me, and I know she adored every type of affection I gave her in return.

No, no. Not today. Can't think of Violet so much.

My hands clench into hammer-like fists as I stare into my full-body mirror. I notice that I'm starting to cry. I'm grateful I didn't have makeup on. Before I know it, I'm whimpering and I've dropped to my knees. My hands try to reach out for Violet to no avail. I only reach for a picture of the two of us. We had asked for someone to take a picture of us on the park bench for our one-year anniversary.

"Violet." I sob, clutching the picture to my chest. "Why, Violet? Why'd you have to get taken away from me?"

Jacqueline runs to my door and opens it, scanning the room until she sees me on the floor. Her eyes soften as she rushes to my side.

"Reyna." She says softly and full of pity. "It's gonna be okay."

I close my eyes and curl into a ball. I don't want Jackie to be here, I want Violet. Kind, lovely Violet with her long hair and warm jackets.

She pulls me into her embrace and cradles my head to her own chest. I wonder for a brief moment if this kills her. I know she has a crush on me. Does it kill her to see me in love with someone else? It sure would've killed me over and over again.

But for now, I don't worry about Jackie. I just let her worry about me for a few seconds more.

"Call in sick." The blond suggests once I've stopped whimpering. "You need a mental health day. C'mon, I'll take one with you."

"I-I can't."

"'Course you can."

"Jackie...I don't know..."

She sighs. "You need this, Reyna." Which somehow convinces me. I nod in defeat. She puts a tender hand on my back and lifts me up with her. I'm still leaning into her warmth with all the intention to let go and no willpower to do so whatsoever.

Jacqueline clears her throat and pulls away. "I'll give you a few minutes to get ready." She shuts the door behind her.

_____________

We come back to the apartment in a fit of laughter. Jackie and I are holding half-empty beers in our hands, and I'm struggling to open the door. I'm shivering and tipsy but I feel so alive. I don't even know what we're laughing about.

I finally manage to open the door and Jackie falls on the carpet, giggling. She's insane. Her laughter fills the room and travels outside for probably miles. I close the door and join her on the floor. My beer slips out of my hand and stains the carpet, but I really don't care. Hers has already spilled all over the place.

Her chest rises and falls rapidly as she laughs. "God, I haven't laughed that much in a long time."

"Me neither." I agree.

Jackie exhales deeply. "Hey Reyna?"

"Yeah?"

She turns her head shyly towards me. "I had fun tonight."

"I did too." I grin and close my eyes. "I'm so tired."

"Same here." She agrees, and props herself up with an elbow.

I look at her curiously. Maybe I should too. So I did. "What's up?" I ask slowly.

Jackie leans forward and dips her head low. I bite my lip, unsure of what's going on. It seems so surreal. My roommate nuzzles her head into my neck, then suddenly crumples into my body.

I yelp and poke her shoulder. "Jacqueline, are you asleep?"

A loud snore answers my question. I wiggle out from under her. I should take her to her bed. I drag her to her room and tug at her arms so she can get on her bed. She's not heavy, but I'm not physically strong enough to lift the blond. I think I can hear her murmuring something, but it's unintelligible.

"Good night, Jackie." I tell her.

She groans in her sleep in reply, her arms flailing about like she was trying to reach for something.