Losing Light

Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"Are you sure you're ready?"

"Yes." I say irritatingly for the millionth time.

"Okay." Jackie sighs, and looks back at the road. I can see the outline of the destination ahead. "But do you maybe want to save this for an-"

"No!" I yell and smack her arm playfully. "I told you so many times already. I have to do this." My tone changes to be serious. "It can't be any other day." Or I will wimp out miserably.

Jackie pauses for awhile until I'm calm. "D'you think she'll be okay?"

"If I know her, probably not." I admit. But I don't want to think about the awful scenes that will follow through with my news.

Her grip tightens on the steering wheel. She brushes her hair out of her face, then asks, "Uh, what'll she do?" Jackie's cheeks are oddly pink, and not in a blushing sort of way.

I peer at her curiously. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, guess so. I just forgot to take my meds. The ADHD ones." The blond exhales in annoyance. She runs a hand through her hair, grips it tightly, and curls her digits around the steering wheel. I look at her in worry, for both of our safety. "And today, of all days..."

"You could just pull over, and I could drive." I suggest.

"No, no. Allow me. I did not skip a day of smoothie-ing to be a passenger." She inhales and exhales loudly. "If I calm myself, I'll be fine."

Jackie continues to breathe in and out, but to no avail. Her breaths are shaky. I look at her, and then down at my hands. I'm not sure what I could do.

I grab her hand off the steering wheel and place it in mine. I squeeze it, and ask, "Is this helping?"

She glances at our intertwined hands and gulps. "No, sorry. It's kind of making things...worse."

"Oh." I remember her crush on me. Yeesh. I let go of my roommate, and instantly feel colder. Human touch hasn't been familiar with me in a long time. "I'm so sorry, I-"

"Don't worry about it." Jackie laughs nervously. She presses her head into the seat. Hard, like she wants to sink into it. "It's cool, it's cool."

The car becomes filled with an awkward quiet. Neither she or I want to break it. I look outside the window instead, the passing hills and signs and the houses in the distant. I want the drive to be shorter or non-existence. My pit of my stomach starts to feel sick with dread. Every passing second I am reminded of Violet.

I glance at Jackie. There's something about the way she's biting her bottom lip that reminds me of the inmate. How they initiate it, I think. Curling the lip in between their teeth, biting quickly, and shunning it out of their mouths.

"You alright over there?" She asks in concern.

I nod in embarrassment, and turn my head towards the road. "Yep, I'm good."

I was just staring at her lips. Goddamnit, what was wrong with me?! But my eyes are dragging back to her thin, pink lips. They're so different than any pair of lips I've ever kissed. Well, everyone's are different, but hers are especially. And I don't even know why.

They move to form words, but I'm not exactly sure what. Then they move a little slower and exaggerated, and that's when I finally pay attention to what she's saying.

"We're here." Jackie tells me. The car was stopped, and now is moving to a parking booth. I look back. A parking booth with a security guard gets tinier as the distance grows.

She parks the car and we both get out. There's a short building painted with bland colors and barred windows. Fences shut out any means of escape from the inside. I guess this was the visitor's entrance.

"C'mon, Reyna." My roommate-no, my friend-holds out her hand for me to hold. I realize I've been standing here for awhile stupidly. I take her hand again and she leads rm to the door. I can hear her shaky breaths. I mentally thank her for doing this for me.

The woman at the desk looks at us with a bored expression. "Are you here to see someone?"

"Y-yes." I stammer.

She rolls her eyes and gets out a form and a pen. "Fill this out, and you can. Did you schedule a visitation?"

"Uh, n-no."

"Well, hon, just gonna warn you, it's up to the inmate to take it or not. Most don't, but you can try."

"Thank you." Jackie smiles kindly and leads me to a chair. A few other people are sitting near us, filling out forms or just staring off into space.

I stare blankly at the form in my lap, then press the pen into the paper. I answer various questions. God, paperwork is so boring. Jackie just watches me during all of this, and rises out of her chair to accompany me to give it to the woman.

She studies it quickly, then asks for my ID. I show it to her and she nods. I notice her skin is slightly wrinkled, eyes droopy.

"Okay." She says in approval and gets out her walkie-talkie. "Jim, tell Violet Ashford she's got a visitor. Inform me if she says it's alright.

A gruff voice barks an okay, and then it's silent. Jim voices a confirmation and the woman asks a security guard to lead me into the visitation room.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Jackie asks worriedly.

I look deep in her eyes, and shake my head no. "I have to do this alone."