One Winter Night (on Hold)

Chapter 10

I woke up the next morning in the same hospital bed with the same monitor showing my heart rate, it was early morning, I looked up at the clock it was six am. I felt a tap noise on the window; I stretched my neck to the side and saw it was raining which made the ICU cold and gloomy. Susan was no longer in the bed next to me; she might have gotten discharged because she didn’t have any major injuries.

I got up feeling the strength in my hands return, I sat there in the empty ICU, and I felt Goosebumps rise on my hands as I rubbed them. I walked into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. My complexion was paler that before and the colour from my eyes was drained and my hair seemed lighter than before.

I stared at the girl looking back at me, watching the cuts and bruises on her face, her light freckles faded away, and her lips were cracked, her cheekbones seemed holler; she looked like an empty vessel.

That is what I am; I Madeline Collins is an empty vessel.

I walked out of the bathroom and back into the cold ICU. I wanted to breakdown and cry, I wanted to scream and shout till someone heard me, and I did not want to be alone I wanted to be wanted.

I am monster, I’ve turned into a monster; I almost killed my sister and myself, driven mad by my conscious, I want to so desperately escape what’s inside me but it only makes it stronger because whatever I touch dies and darkens, the problem is me. It was always me.

A shiver ran down my spine as I slowly walked down the icy marble with my bare feet just looking at the room made it suffocate me, like the walls were coming closer squeezing the life out of me as I gasped for air. I fell to the floor my body shaking without warning, silent tears fell down from my pale face and onto the cold floor. I lay on my back on the floor looking at the colourless ceiling wishing that my life would change where there were no flaws.

I am full of flaws, all I have done is caused trouble for others, and I am a nuisance, to myself too. I need to stop, I need to get over what happened that winter night because that day is gone and the side effects should not last long.

I got up from the cold floor and walked outside of the ICU; I walked into the cafeteria and got myself a cup of hot coffee. The nurses forced me to go back up and rest but I refused. I sat at one of the chairs, looking at the concerned faces sitting with their family praying about their loved ones.

“You shouldn’t be here” I looked up and saw Sean standing there grabbing a chair and sitting right in front of me.

“Why are you here? You have school in two hours”

“School will be there for quite a while” he said shrugging; I looked down at my coffee and played with it, with my spoon. I looked up at him and saw with staring at me.

“Why are you staring at me?” I blurted out a little too blunt.

“Because you look beautiful”

“But I’m a flaw” I tell him

“You’re a beautiful flaw” He says correcting my statement which makes the side of my smiles twitch upwards.

I look down at my coffee and take another sip feeling the warm substance fall from my throat and into my system. After a long pleasant silence I tell him

“Go to school” I smile at him, as he nods gets up and flashes one last smile at me and leaves. I sit at the table for a little while before getting up and returning back into the ICU.

Later that day, when the sun was shiner and the beams on light hit the clear marble floor of the ICU my mum came in to visit.

She had so many saggy eye bags under her bright green eyes, her hair had knots in them and it has like she didn’t even bother combing it before making a bun. She had wrinkles on various parts of her face; she also seemed thinner than she really is. I was a little hurt to know that dad didn’t once come to visit me.