Without Reason (Colton Dixon and Sam Woolf Fanfiction )

Chapter Five •• May

I picked at the food on my plate with the silver, metal fork, simply for my own entertainment. I couldn't eat, I couldn't push food down my throat. My stomach rumbled with what I didn't know as nervousness, or hunger. I knew if I was to eat, I would puke. I wasn't in any state to be eating right now. I tapped my fingers against the wooden table in a steady rhythm, the noise becoming louder and louder. Shaking my head, I carefully placed my hand down on the table. I couldn't worry, I needed to stop worrying. Olive would be okay. She knew how to defend herself. There was no point for me just to sit here and stare at my plate. Standing up, I threw it away. I needed to get ready for the auditions because I most definitely wasn't going the way I was now. Directing my eyes all around the room, I found the nearest exit and slipped through the door frame, slowly jogging down the hall toward the elevator. My mind felt clear today and I didn't think I would have a breakdown unless somebody made me upset. I was trying to give Olive more freedom and she seemed grateful, but her words stayed in my head. I never meant to make her life a living hell. I didn't even know I was doing it. She'd kept it all bottled up her entire life, having no one to open up to, to let it out to, because I'd always been the one she had to take care of. You don't tell your problems to someone like that, because you can't. My thoughts raced back to the boy who'd been standing with her whenever she'd dashed away from the breakfast buffet. Sam, that's who she'd told me about last night. That's who the boy was. I hit the elevator button, the doors opened, and I stepped in. I crossed my arms over my chest, stands of my blonde hair falling over my left eye. I sighed in frustration as I looked at the hair, the waves had become obnoxious over time, and I suppose Olive and I had our father to thank for them. I would hardly thank my father for anything. There was nothing to thank him for. Olive loved him, but to me he was just somebody that took care of us for the first half of our lives. Biting my lip, I balled up my fists at my sides, the fabric of my shirt held inside. Olive couldn't know why I hated my father, and I preferred she didn't know. She wasn't old enough. She wasn't old enough to have the envision of the one person she looked up to doing that to me. I wanted to forget so badly, but I knew I wouldn't. That's why I was so screwed up in the head, and why it had been a relief when he left. Watching Olive grieve over him, crying herself to sleep each night, that was the hard part. I wanted to tell her he wasn't worth it, but I knew she would blame me for him leaving. I was knocked out of my thoughts whenever the sound of a bell signified the opening of the elevator doors. Stepping onto the squishy carpet of the hallway, step by step I made my way to our room.
•••
My hair actually looked tamed for once as I looked into the mirror at my reflection. My blonde curls hung down my back, the only downside of having curls showing whenever I stepped. It was so annoying, having them bounce across my back. I was dressed in white skinny jeans, a plain black V-neck, and my black sneakers. I anxiously shoved my thumb onto the home button of my iPhone, barely able to keep myself from yelling out whenever I saw no text from Olive. Was she okay? What if Sam or one of his friends did something? I sighed, breathing in and out to calm myself, forcing my hand to stick my phone into my back jean pocket. I turned to the bed behind me, reaching out to crush my keys between my fingers. The electric alarm clock on the bedside table read 11:43 in bold numbers, "Crap." I muttered to myself, checking my pocket for my room key, I pulled open the door to the bedroom and slipped out. As I quickly walked down the hall, I whispered the lyrics to my audition song. I was pretty familiar with Carrie Underwood, so it wasn't that hard to remember the lyrics. I clicked the elevator button once again and stepped in as the doors opened. Surprisingly, my nerves wouldn't going crazy. I wasn't on edge, I wasn't going to break down. I felt my phone buzz against my jeans, and after feeling for it with my hand, I slipped it out of my pocket. The text on the front of the screen read:

Olive:
Just arrived at auditions, too many people to count!

Sliding my finger across the message, I composed a quick reply.

Great, people. Just now leaving the hotel, save me a seat.

I hit send and stepped out of the elevator as the doors opened to reveal the lobby. The light if the crystal chandelier seemed brighter, more clear, than whenever I'd first stepped into the building last night. Standing before the electronic doors, I couldn't help but smile whenever they opened themselves for me. I took a deep breath before stepping out into the Savannah heat, and before starting to my car, to the road to American Idol.
•••
I ran a brush through my blonde curls as I sat in my car in the parking lot of Gwinnett Center. My mind felt a little bit fuzzy compared to what it was earlier, and I knew it was the cause of my nerves catching up to me. I leaned my head against the steering wheel, taking deep breaths. Digging my fingernails into my legs, I tried my hardest to keep my breathing even. "Excuse me, miss," a voice said. A scream escaped my mouth before I knew it as my head shot up. A boy with a dark faux Mohawk was standing beside my car, peering in at me. "Hey, please don't scream. I was just wondering if you were okay." he said, quickly. Shaking my head, a quiet scoff escaped me. "Sorry," I spoke, looking out the window at him. Brown hair fashioned into a faux mohawk covered his head, a white shirt and black vest hanging from his torso. "Yeah, I'm fine." He grinned at me and I was surprised he was still talking to me, strangers never did that. "I'm Colton, by the way, and I apologize for scaring you." I shook my head. "It's fine. I'm just a little jumpy sometimes." Colton opened the car door for me where I could step out. As my feet hit the black asphalt, he held his hand out for me to shake, and taking his hand, I spoke "I'm May." He smiled. "May, that's a pretty name. It's nice to meet you." I bit my lip, not letting my smile show. I quickly pulled back my hand, not letting it rest upon his for too long. "Are you auditioning?" I questioned, not meeting his eyes. He chuckled, "No. You'd think that once the judges threw you under the bus already, your sister wouldn't be pressuring you to do it again." I cocked my head to the side, starting across the large parking lot, "What do you mean again?" He rolled his eyes, seeming already fed up with my words. "I auditioned for season ten, got through, but then was oh so tragically sent home top forty." I nodded, my face becoming flushed, and I hoped it was from the heat beating down on me. "Oh, that sucks." He shrugged, looking down at me "Maybe I'll see you soon, I have to find my sister. Good luck on that ticket." Waving at me as he dashed away, I felt a new feeling growing in the back of my mind.

It could've been what affection felt like.