Blurred Lines.

life lesson, jason

My weeks from the meeting consisted of me coming home, sleeping with my door locked, and going back out and sometimes going into Gotham for a few hours just to watch her family. I needed to know everything about them that I could. 

Because when the time came for a battle, I would need to be ready. I knew deep within myself that I could not trust her. I would not trust her. 

I felt betrayed by my friend. I felt that Jett had thrown caution to the wind and had ignored every word of advice that I had given him and he was now sleeping with the devil. I forgot about Bruce and Alfred's sickness. 

I didn't give it a second thought. I guess that I had enough stuff going on that it was hard for me to keep up with everything else outside of Gotham. 

But I should have called. I knew I should have. I should have called and I should have been a better person for Alfred. Because you never know when life is going to hit you hard. I should know that more than anyone. 

I woke up from a cold sweat. I knew I should get to Gotham. I didn't know why, but it was important that I get there. I needed to see them. 

I was putting my clothes in a suit case when Bruce called me. His voice small and apologetic. 

"Jason. I think you need to come home." I didn't waste another second. I was out the door before we even knew what happened. 

I spent the next two hours on my bike, praying to a God who didn't find it suitable to take me to Heaven, to please spare Alfred. Because selfishly, we needed him. We needed to make it right with him. I needed him. 

I wanted to call Bruce and talk with him. I just wanted someone to ease my fears, but if Bruce has called me home, that means only one thing. Alfred doesn't have long before.. 

I didn't want to think about that now. I couldn't think about that now. How much as Alfred survived in his life and he's always came back a much stronger, better person? And this sickness wouldn't be any different. 

I arrived at the Manor and went straight in. I knew Alfred wouldn't open the door for me and I knew that Bruce would be too emotional to do it. When I came in, I was floored. Bruce was sitting beside Alfred's bed and beside him was Dick. 

I swallowed the lump in my throat and slowly approached them. I rested my hand on Bruce's shoulder. He needed someone to be strong for him in the way that he has always been strong for us. 

"Bruce.." I wanted to say more, but what is there to say. A man with a white lab coat was injecting something into an IV. He was an aged man, white hair. His glasses hung at the tip of his nose. 

I sat down. I didn't think that I could bare to stand any longer. Bruce, noticing me for the first time, half smiled. 

"This is Dr. Pam. He's the best that the world has to offer. Alfred as an infection in his blood and if we didn't catch it in time, then he's going to die. But we're .. hopeful." But he wasn't hopeful. He knew that we didn't catch it in time and he knew that Alfred wasn't going to be with us any longer. 

"Go get some sleep. I'll sit here with Alfred. If there's any changes.." Bruce looked at me like he wasn't understanding what I was saying. Then realization washes over him. He nods. 

"A quick nap. Just so I can be refreshed. I'll be back in an hour." He rose silently and exited the room. Dick looked at me.

"You should have called me." He was angry. I didn't blame him. 

"And tell you what? Alfred was sick? I didn't know it was this bad or I would have." Dick shook his head, not wanting to say more, but knowing he could say a lot that would cut me down. 

"I'm sorry, brother." I finally said. He looked up at me, but his eyes were kinder now. He shrugged and continued to stare at Alfred's pale face. 

"Remember the time when you and I were in the batcave sparring and Alfred thought we were actually fighting so he took the broom to us?" Dick said softly. 

I found myself smiling despite the situation. It's always good to remember the good times when someone is so sick. 

"Yes. When we tried to tell him he thought we were still lying and made us separate." We shared a laugh. 

The memories that I have with this man. It hurts me so much to think that he's going to be gone. 

"I went out one night after Bruce brought me here. Alfred found out and he tried to convince Bruce that I needed bars on my window. But honest, I just wanted ice cream. That was the first purchase I made with the card Bruce gave me." It was odd to tell someone about the little things, but now they seemed to carry so much weight with them. 

"Yeah? I bought a new acrobat costume. It was the most beautiful lime green that my child self had ever seen. I swore that I was going to wear it out as Robin. I guess you're kind grateful I didn't, huh?" He quirked an eyebrow and I nodded in response. 

"Yes. It was bad enough red and yellow. Do you understand how terrible I look in red?" We both share a laugh again. 

"Oh, trust me. How can I forget?" We break into laughter again. 

Then we stop. 

Because even if we walked hand in hand down memory lane, the fact is, we were losing the glue that held us all together. We were losing the only person who brought us back here each and every time. 

"Hey, Jason?" Dick asked breaking me from my thoughts. 

"Yeah?" I replied.

"Do you think he's going to die?" I faced Dick. He was serious. He was scared and he was lost. I was too. But Dick needed me to be level headed. 

"I don't honestly know, brother." 

And just like that, the sadness and the hopelessness was there and it was eating us both alive.