Blurred Lines.

The end of now, Jason

It has been weeks since Agatha fell to her death and life has continued to go on as if nothing out of the ordinary has happened. That is what I hated about death. You're entire world stops, but the world keeps moving.

There are still things that happen that take me back because the rest of the world is used to it, but I am just experiencing for the first time. Events that I should know about, but I have no clue because I spent five years of my life.. well.. dead.

In the end, we either jump back into the rotation of things or we sit back and watch as the world moves on without us. I would love to have the ability to sit back and watch the world turn as I take a break, but people like me, the heroes or the villains, we don't get to do that. And that is exhausting.

For months, years even, Bruce dresses up each night and runs out to save the city and doesn't think about the fact that in the daylight, the hours where he is Bruce Wayne, it moves at a different pace than that of the world of Batman. It's difficult for those of us that hide in the shadows to keep our worlds straight.

Am I the fearless, crime fighting amazing man in the daylight than I am in the night? Not really. I'm far from that. In fact, I am the exact opposite of that when the morning lights hit my face. When I wake from that slumber that I fall into once my mind settles, the world that I left has changed and moved from what I left it.

People die, babies are born, the world is ever changing.

That's the beauty or curse. For the Batmans and the Red Hoods, that's always been the curse. We can't think about the world that's changing in front of us. If we took just even a minute to sit and think about the changes, it would destroy us. 

That is the fact. That is the curse. 

After the mess with Agatha and then coming home to find Poison Ivy in the house and steering her in the direction that she needed to go, which was out of the house and on her way, I decided that even being as close to Gotham as I was wasn't going to work. I had to get out of Gotham. I had to get out of Gotham. 

I had come to the conclusion that Gotham will always be  a part of me. That Bruce Wayne will always be in the back of my mind and I am okay with that. I'm still hella angry at him, but there's nothing I can do to change that. I can't turn the clock back and stop myself from dying. I can't turn the clock back and make Bruce see the warning signs of my wreckless behavior. What happened to me,  just is. 

I cannot change it, but I can change who I am and how I choose to live my life. I choose to live my life as far away from Gotham as I can. Gotham will always call me home, but it is my decision whether or not I listen. 

"Jason, you don't need to rush off just yet." Alfred speaks behind me. 

Since his whole episode of being sick, I have been worried about him. The doctor said some kind of infection in his blood, but I say it's just Gotham calling me home. 

"Alfred," I turn to face him. "We both know that I couldn't stay here." I give him a small smile before turning to look out the window again. 

Bruce's land is large and it stretches for miles. On a clear night, you can see the town, but tonight isn't a clear night. It's cloudy and foggy. You can see the fog rolling in, sweeping over the wall that borders the mansion. 

"Master Bruce should hear from you." He said. I haven't spoken to Bruce. I keep myself locked in a bed room and I deal. Because I have no other way to cope with things. 

"Bruce will be just fine." I exhale and run my hand over my face. This face that belongs to me that I keep hidden behind a hood for the majority of the hours spent awake. The face that has seen death, embraced it, and came back from the dead. This face is a face that is so tired of seeing Gotham City. 

"Master Dick called for you." I chuckled under my breath. The idea that Alfred is trying to talk me into staying warms my heart. But those reasons mentioned are the reasons I must go. 

"Alfred. You'll always be home." I walked to him, embracing him tightly, and walked out of the bed room. 

I didn't expect to see Bruce awake. He had just come in from Wayne Enterprises, this was usually the time that he spent in the study or sleeping. Since the study door was open and the light was off, he was more than likely sleeping. 

That gave me conflicted emotions. I wanted him to be waiting for me. I wanted him to tell me good-bye and that I would always have a home here. I wanted to hear that, but at the very same time. I just wanted him to stay in whatever room that he was in and forget about me. 

Forget that when I need him I always run back no matter how much I tell myself that I wouldn't. Forget that he picked me up when I watched Agatha fall down. Just forget that I existed because on most days, I could forget that he existed. 

But as I ran down the stairs and to the front door, I looked over my shoulder. The part of me wanting the attention from Bruce was hoping to see him. He wasn't there. 

I exhaled. This is what I wanted. 

I turned the knob and opened the door. 

Before I walked out, I turned around one more time, to get the very last look of the house and Bruce was standing on the top of the stairs. His cowl in one hand and a bottle of water in the other. 

If this is the last time that I ever see Bruce Wayne, this is how I will always remember him. 

Blood shot eyes, dark circles, but holding on to the Batman. Because at the end, Batman is everyone's hero. Even Bruce Wayne.