Blurred Lines.

Could Have.

Red and Jett talked about what happened back at that place they found me. Jake kept sneaking glances at me as if I was going to break down at any moment.

Once dinner was over, I was cleaning up the dishes. Jake was sitting with Jett and Red talking in hushed whispers. I'm sure it was about me and how I broke down.

I ignored it though. I missed being able to clean up after dinner. I missed being able to hate doing something as simple as doing dishes or taking out garbage.

I missed all of the things that I used to complain about.

I grabbed the last set of dishes off the counter, just to be startled by Jake. His hands on his hips shaking a finger at me.

"What in the name of Britney Spears are you doing, sister?" He said. 

I stared blankly at him, my mouth slightly open. 

"What? Girl you can't deny that she's not fabulous. Did you see her melt down? Girl straight lost it." He said flipping his hand in the air.

I chuckled. I thought that it was the first emotion that I felt other than self pity and panic. 

"I'm just cleaning up. Go back and enjoy the guys. I've got this." I said dismissing him.

"No, girl. You go sit down. I can clean this. I do every time." He said pushing up his sleeves and sticking his hands into my dish water.

"I haven't been able to clean up and wash dishes in so long that I actually enjoy the sensation of dreading to do them." I huffed. He didn't protest, just pulled his hands out of the dish water and grabbed the dish towel I had been drying with.

"Alright then, sister. You wash and I dry. How about that?" He said holding the towel in his hand.

"Fair enough." I agreed. It was nice to have someone who wanted to be beside me. Someone who talked to me or allowed silence when I craved it. But the nagging feeling of just wanting to be left alone was a little more than nagging. It was raging at this point and I felt myself being irritated.

I always thought that I would not want to stop talking. That the silence ins't something that I would want to hold onto anymore. That I would always want to fill the dead air with something, but that wasn't the case, was it? Now that I was away from the silence, it's what I craved the most.

Like now, the only sound was the clanking of dishes as I set them into the opposite sink. The sound of the air blowing into the room and cooling the place even though I was certain that outside it was a little chilly.

The humming of the appliances in the kitchen. Everything seemed to be real loud. Like someone taking a hammer and pounding against the very walls of my head. I tried to push the irritation away, but it only came fighting back up.

My insides were crawling as I tried to tune out each sound, but it just seemed to grow louder and louder. I thought that I needed to scream. Yes, maybe if I let out a loud scream the buzzing in my head would stop and I could focus on something again.

"Agatha.." Red had his hands on my shoulders. I could see the silver flecks in his eyes that resembled the silver streak in his hair. His lips were down turned and in a flat thin line.

I'm trembling. Jake is standing with a plate in his hand and his eyes are set on me, watching with a slight look of pity. Jett has something drawn on his side, holding it in defense.

"What's wrong with you?" Red snapped at me. I looked up at him, more confused than ever. But by the look of pity on Jake's face, I guessed that I must have done something completely awful.

"What?" I mumbled. My voice felt tired. Had I been screaming the entire time? Had I lost my cool and let the noise in my head come rushing out and spilling over into my reality?

"You were screaming." He said removing his hands from my shoulders. I took a step back. My hands were still covered with water and soap suds.

"I don't know. Everything was really loud. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'll leave if you want." I said. But I wasn't sorry. I felt better than I had from the moment that I was took from that cell. The sounds that I couldn't bare before were nonexistent now. 

"No. You're okay here. I'm glad you're okay." He said. I seem something flash across his face. It wasn't pity, I think it was more understanding then anything.

I caught a glimpse of the person that Red really was. In that moment he was reliving something similar and he understood what I was battling with. I had a need in that moment to understand and know him more. 

I turn to Jake. His face had softened now and the look of pity was replaced with kindness. But he didn't reach out to me like he did when I broke down before.

"I'm going to go lie down." I said suddenly. I just didn't want them all to stare at me anymore. I hated their stares at me as if I was going to brandish a weapon at any time and use it against the three of them. Something told me even if I did, that I wouldn't have gotten very far. 

I turned and walked in my room, hands still wet from the water in the sink.

I shut the door behind me. A huge weight that I had been carrying came off my shoulders immediately. I leaned my back against the door. 

A soft knock interrupted the silence and that irritated me a little more than what I cared to admit. Maybe, being in solitude had messed with me more than I thought. But this feeling pulled at something inside me that went beyond being locked up in a cement cage for three years. 

This feeling was familiar. I felt this many times before. But what was I feeling? 

- Hope you little monsters have a fantastic day.