the only one that stayed.

six

The girls had a plane trip to another state in America today and this time they wouldn't share rooms in the hotel. Perrie's request.

Jade still hasn't talked to her about the kiss, she hasn't talked to anyone about the kiss. She didn't know what she would say. She didn't know if she liked it, if she liked Perrie in that way. Her heart raced each time she thought about the way Perrie's lips moved with hers and the way she tasted like bubblegum. Her scent filled her nose and it was all she wanted to smell.

The plane trip was quiet, especially since Perrie sat more in the front with Jesy and Jade was sat with Leigh-Anne near the back. Also Perrie's request.

"Why does Perrie not want to sit with you? She always sits with you," Leigh pointed out as she sat down beside Jade, who was sitting at a window seat like she always does. "Did something happen last night?"

She had a flashback to the kiss the shared and the way Perrie's hand held onto her back so gently. She still felt it there. "Nothing I'm aware of," she lied, shrugging her shoulders and giving her a false smile.

Leigh shook her head. "Jade Amelia Thirlwall. I am not dumb. I know when you're lying to me," she said quietly. "Tell me what happened. Did you get in a fight? Is it Zayn?"

She shook her head and huffed as she heard his dreaded name. "No, not him." She didn't know how to just say, 'Perrie kissed me.' It was three simple words, a simple scenario to tell someone. But she was choking up on even saying it. "She may have... We may have.."

"Oh, spit it out."

"Perrie kissed me," Jade whispered, very fast and almost unclear. She thought maybe Leigh wouldn't hear it and she would just give up, but when she saw her face light up and her eyes widen she knew she was heard.

"She did what now?" Leigh asked, knowing exactly what she said but wanting more clarification.

Jade let out a deep breath and ran her fingers through her hair. "She kissed me. Just straight up kissed me randomly. Out of the blue. I didn't even know she liked me, or liked girls."

Leigh shrugged her shoulders. "You never know, Jade," she mumbled. "But she kissed you. That's it? There was no speaking. Just a kiss and now she's not even speaking to you? Pretending you're in your coffin?"

"Yup," Jade said, popping the 'p' of the word as she felt frustrated. She laid back in her seat and thought about how Perrie's lips felt so perfect on her lips. Leigh was speaking but she didn't hear, only heard the sounds of Perrie breathing as they kissed. She placed her hand on her lips as she imagined Perrie's were still there.

—

As they got to their rooms, Jade felt quite lonely in hers since this would be one of the first times she didn't share with Perrie. She didn't exactly know why Perrie was pushing her away this hard. It felt like she was being used by her sadness and to be honest, she didn't know how she felt about that.

Did she love Perrie or was she just confused?

She never really thought of her bandmate in that way. Sure, she was pretty and a really amazing person, but she never thought that her heart could do flips at the thought of her lips touching hers. Or that she'd miss that feeling.

She was about to sit down on the bed when someone knocked on the door. She assumed it was probably Leigh-Anne coming in to ask for more details about the kiss so she reluctantly walked to the door to open it. Opening her mouth to make a joke to Leigh, she opened the door and quickly shut her mouth as she realized it wasn't who she expected.

Perrie stood on the other side of the door with her lips curved into a sad smile. Her reaction to Perrie being there was very numb and non-existent. She didn't know if she wanted to even see Perrie after what she had just pulled. As much as she enjoyed the idea of kissing her again, she didn't want to have to go through any emotions if Perrie admitted anything.

"Hey," the blonde breathed out. "I wanted to see if I could come in? Maybe we could have a cuppa and talk a little?"

Jade just walked away from the door and into the small kitchen her hotel room offered, scoffing lightly under her breath. "Talk a little? There's a little more than that that needs to be talked about."

Perrie walked into the room, shutting the door behind her and sighing quietly. She looked as if a lot has been going through her mind since the flight. Her eyes were tired and Jade searched them for any other emotion but all she saw was the same sadness. "Listen, that kiss — I didn't know what I was doing. I — I did that out of no where. It even shocked me, Jade."

"And that makes it better?"

"Jade, listen," she pleaded, sitting down on a stool beside the countertop. "I think I just kissed you out of being lonely and not having anyone to love me anymore. I've been so depressed over him and you being around me almost twenty-four-seven kind of stuck an emotion toward you that I'm not even sure was real. I hope you think that it was nothing as well. I didn't mean to just up and leave after, it kind of scared me. I'm straight, Jade, that wasn't anything."

It probably shouldn't have hit Jade as hard as it did but for a moment, she couldn't breathe from all of the words that she had just heart. It was nothing to Perrie but the lingering thought that it was something to her made her want to tell Perrie to leave. "You're right," she said, although she knew that she wasn't. "You just miss having someone that loves you in that way and me being around you a lot just triggered an emotion that you've been missing. That's completely understandable. And you distancing yourself makes sense as well." All of what she was saying was bullshit and she hoped that Perrie didn't see that it was.

Perrie gave her a small smile, which reassured Jade that she believed all of the bullshit that she just spewed out of her mouth. "I'm glad you understand. I didn't want you to think I was leading you on or that I actually had feelings for you or that you were just a rebound. I honestly don't know what came over me."

There was silence after that since Jade didn't know how to reply to that. She nodded her head a few times and just stared at the hot water boiling on the stove that she completely forgot she even started.

"I'll go and head back to my hotel?" Perrie said in a questioning tone. The awkwardness in the air was sinking in the both of them and it felt suffocating. Jade just nodded her head and gave her a smile, watching the blonde wave and say goodbye before leaving. The teapot on the small stove started to screech and honestly, she related with the sound of it. She wanted to scream, she wanted to let all of her emotions drain out and leave her alone. She poured herself a cup of tea and sat down on the mini couch that faces the tv.

Her mind was racing with all of the events that took place in the passed twenty-four hours. She didn't know what was happening in her heart but the feeling of yearning that was occurring was scaring her and she didn't know why she felt the need to be with Perrie some more. Why did she want to kiss her again? Why did it hurt when Perrie said the kiss was nothing and shouldn't mean anything? Why did all of this hurt?

"I love Perrie."

She thought out loud. Her heart was pounding. She didn't think she was gay. She didn't think she would be gay for her bandmate. Was she always gay? Why was she attracted to men? Was she bisexual? She didn't know anything right now and it was making her head and heart go wild. She decided the best thing to do was tell someone so she reached for her phone and decided to call someone that would know what's best.

Her mom.