the only one that stayed.

four

The amount of interviews they've been getting asking about Perrie's broken engagement is insane. Perrie was thankful that the girls shut the questions down before she could break down in front of them.

"So, Perrie, I have to ask about Zayn—"

"You really don't," Jesy interrupted, clearly irritated by the interviewer. "Let's talk about the album, yes?"

Perrie was staring at her fingernails. They were bitten down and a few of them hurt because of how much she bit them off. She touched over them and sighed softly, tuning out the sound of the interviewer finally asking questions about Get Weird. Memories flowed into her mind like tsunami waves crashing down. The vision of a lipstick stain on the hem of Zayn's t-shirt that wasn't hers showed in her mind every time she blinked. She felt sick. The fact that he said he loved her, he said he wanted to be with her and only her, yet he didn't hesitate to cheat and to leave her without any explanation.

Jade sensed that Perrie was thinking again and looked over at her, watching her fingers brush over her fingernails more than once. They were all chewed up and short. She knew that Perrie did that whenever she was nervous for a show, but it was typically just one nail, not all of them.

She placed her hand on the blonde's thigh the same as she did in the car that one day, squeezing it so gently just because she felt like she could break her at any moment. Perrie looked up from her daze and looked at the brunette, her eyes empty of emotion. Jade looked at her, not speaking, not listening to anything happening, just looked into her eyes and tried to search for any form of emotion. There was nothing. It was almost like she wasn't even there anymore.

"So, the album Get Weird, it's definitely more grown up from the last one?" the interviewer's voice removed the two girls from their trance in each other.

Jesy answered the question like they normally would. Just promotion stuff, trying to get people to want to buy their album. Jade was still looking at Perrie, although the blonde was finally staring at the interviewer, a false smile on her lips to let the interviewer know that she's there and listening. Jade just wanted Perrie to finally be okay.

—

They sat in their shared hotel room and Jade was prepping herself in how to talk to Perrie about her emotions. She knew that Perrie would brush it off, say she's fine, say she's tired and head off to sleep. So, she was thinking if this was even a good idea. She didn't want it to be brushed off again, she wanted to really know what was on Perrie's mind.

"Perrie."

The blonde was staring at the tv screen on her twin bed beside Jade's when she turned her head to look at her friend. She gave her a smile that they both knew wasn't real. "Yes, sweetheart?" She sounded so soft and quiet.

Jade took a moment to examine the blonde's face to see if there was any sign that she should t even speak to her about it. "It's been a few weeks. A month actually. Since it happened. And I just want to know, are you okay?"

Perrie didn't know what to say. She wanted to say she felt trapped, she felt like she was in a constant state of unhappiness and discontent with her life and that she felt empty all of the time. She wanted to say she thought there was no happiness left for her. But she just shook her head. "I'll be okay."

Jade knew she was lying. She could see the way her eyes flicker from sadness to fake happiness. She knew she was being lied to, she's known Perrie for four years now. "Talk to me. I know you're not okay."

And that's when Perrie broke down. She just needed someone to say they can see her pain and not leave it be. She felt like her heart was being torn into two as her mind went off into a pile of mush, thoughts that have been stuffed into her mind flying left and right. "I am so broken, Jade. I am so broken," her voice trailed off as she said it again, tears flowing out of her without her being able to blink them away.

Jade stood up from her bed and crawled into the blonde's bed to sit beside her and hold her close to her. Perrie shoved her face into her chest and let out a few loud sobs that made Jade's heart ache hearing. She's heard them muffled from the wall separating them before but never has she heard them up close and this loud.

"I just can't believe that someone could love me yet go out and fuck some random brunette girl from a bar while I'm crying at home thinking he's gone missing or dead. He just left me, Jade. As if it was nothing. As if I was nothing. I feel like nothing," she sobbed into the brunette's chest. "I feel like I'm so fucking empty and I can't get all of the pain out, it's trapped inside of me. I want it to go away. I want the pain to stop. I'm so sad."

"I'm so tired of being sad. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm empty but also so full of sadness and anger. I don't even want to eat, Ive always wanted to eat, but the thought of food makes me sick. I want to sleep all day so I don't have to think. I don't want to sleep at night sometimes because I don't want to have to wake up."

She started to breathe heavier which made Jade hold her close to her and pet the top of her head in attempt to calm her. "Perrie, honey. It'll be over. All of this pain will be over soon. I don't know when, but I promise you it will. And I'll be here through all of it."

Perrie just sat there and sobbed for a while, listening to Jade's words. She looked up and sniffed, wiping her nose since she was kind of snotting everywhere. "Thank you. Thank you." That's all she could think of saying. She hasn't talked to anyone about her true emotions until now. She felt so thankful that Jade actually listened to her sob. "I love you. You're the only one that has stayed, the only one that constantly treated me right. I'm so thankful for you."

Jade gave her a sad smile and wrapped her arms around the blonde, giving her a tight hug. They stayed that way for a while, just hugging and letting out deep breaths. It felt nice and warm and Perrie hasn't felt that in a while.