Chasm

Chapter 1

TRIS POV

Every morning before the crack of dawn, when the sky is a fading navy, I am awake.

Freedom is not a common luxury in Abnegation—it never was—and I do not take it for granted. I am allowed one time of the day where I don't have to be squeezed into the mold that they try to fit me in, where I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not.

Before school or chores or whatever the hell they want me to torture myself with, I run.

It is convenient that I was wearing my Dauntless clothes when I returned to Abnegation because I have kept them ever since for this activity. I can't exactly exercise in gray slacks or a dress, the standard uniform. Luckily I get to wear a tank top, a jacket, skinny jeans, and combat boots when I go running, all black of course.

If I were to get caught in this selfish act that is purely for my pleasure, they wouldn't do anything besides have a leader reprimand me. Dauntless patrols just mistake me for an average Dauntless member going on a jog though, so I don't get in trouble with them either. Any neighbors that have seen me returning home haven't mentioned anything to anyone as far as I know. The only people I have to worry about is an occasional jogger. It is a very fortunate situation.

This morning is a clear one, and the air is filled with the natural scent of the earth because of the rain yesterday. I take a deep breath of it when I step outside and let it cleanse my lungs before I begin my run.

Today will be my last run in Abnegation, and my last day of school. Today I will take the aptitude test, and tomorrow I will receive enough exercise opportunities on my way to the Dauntless compound.

The thought of leaving this stifling place gives me a burst of energy and hope. My normal pace is multiplied, and I have to refrain from speeding it up even more. I pretend like I am running away from my birth faction, and for a moment it feels like my boots aren't even hitting the ground, like I am flying. And it almost would feel this way if it weren't for the cool water splashing at my ankles whenever I step into a leftover puddle from yesterday's storm. The tracks over my head shudder as a train passes over them, and I feel myself being pulled along with the train in the direction of Dauntless.

This elation is so rare in my day-to-day life that I take advantage of it. I smile so widely that my face stretches uncomfortably. I let my arms reach out to the side as I continue running, as if I am on a zip line again.

I'm going home tomorrow.

Somehow I turn my hour-long run into a forty-minute one. I am breathless from exertion by the time I get back, so I take a few minutes to drink some water and slow my heart rate. When the sun finally breaches its way over the fence, I step inside the humble house to prepare for school, noting that Caleb has already left.

With my long, gray dress on, I approach the mirror in the hallway on the second floor. On this day last year, I was somber. I met my own frightened eyes in the mirror while my mother trimmed my hair. Then I went downstairs, where we had one of our last breakfasts together as a family. I remember the heavy dread in my stomach that made me want to be sick.

It is the opposite now. This morning I am more than obliged to be going back to my faction of choice. My hair is about as long as it was then because I have been growing it out ever since I made the split decision to cut it in Amity. My face has aged significantly in the last year; I am no longer the meek-looking, awkward teenage girl who needs to grow into her features. Instead I am a woman, with my skin weathered from time and my naturally sad eyes, which reflect the loss that I feel with every waking moment.

If things were different, maybe my mother would be standing behind me to assist me with my hair and to meet my curious eyes in the mirror once more.