About to miss everything (Kellic)

Chapter 3: waking up is the worst part of the day

You make my heart shake bend and break, but I can't turn away, and it's driving me wild

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Waking up is awful. Especially when you were trying to postpone it by staying up extremely late. I hate having to function like a normal person when all I want to do is drop dead. Going to school after almost attempting suicide is exhausting. All I want to do is sleep. There isn't any good reason for me to be alive anyway.

Snap. Snap. Snap.

The sharp burn on my wrist brings me back to the present, which is me walking to school. The walk is less peaceful today. The crunching leaves are too loud, the breeze is cold and bitter, and everything just seems off. The thought of school makes me internally groan and wish for disaster.

You could always jump in front of one of the cars.

Ok, brain. Thanks for that. Just what I need, more intrusive thoughts. I already know gym is going to be awful.

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I was right. Gym was extra bad today. We played floor hockey and people kept running into me. It was awful. It took everything in me not to have a panic attack right then and there. That's brings me to now, sitting in a bathroom stall calming myself down before English.

Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap.

Finally my unease started to melt away with each snap. My wrist began to slightly bruise under the rubber band because of the abundance of pain. Now able to be around others without breaking into tears I begin heading to my English class.

"Yo, dude!" Jack exclaims while patting me on the back.

I instinctually shift away uncomfortably, but smile nonetheless.

"Hi Jack." I say trying to sound happy but my voice cracks a bit near the end.

"Sorry dude. No touching, sorry."

"No, no. It's fine, it's my problem, not yours."

"Whatever dude." He says nonchalantly as we enter the classroom.

I sit my desk and he sits in his. I look at my desk trying to calm my nerves as I count down from five, keeping my breathing steady.

"Hey." Kellin's voice breaks me from my trance and I'm so startled I almost fall out of my desk.

"Oh! Uh, hey." I rush out as he chuckles at me. I feel heat rise to my cheeks and I look anywhere but at him.

"Did you finish your rough draft last night?"

"Yep, but man did it take me too fucking long. I couldn't stay focused for 10 seconds!"

"Me too!" He says a bit loud getting the attention of everyone in the room. "Sorry." He squeaks embarrassed at his outburst.

He is so cute when he's embarrassed, I'll make sure to embarrass him more often.

"I was so distracted I don't know how I got anything done." He says, making a conscious effort to be quieter.

"Relatable." I say sarcastically, earning a chuckle from him.

"You're a dork," he says smirking "And maybe do you want to be my parter for peer editing today?" He says without the confidence he earlier had.

"Do I, the humble dork, Kellin Quinn, make the great king, Victor Fuentes nervous?" I said with mock surprise.

"No." He replied almost immediately, sounding unsure.