There is so much I hate about the lie we held between us
I hate that you chose not to face the dusk demons I could see
The growing darkness surrounding you and ultimately us
I hate that you never could be "in a relationship" with me
I hate that you couldn't post one picture of me on your page...the entire two years we were together
Yet had the impudence to tell me everyday how much I meant to you
And the audacity to live in my home and to my side basically tether
You were the one that stayed, you were the one to glop on the gritty glue
I hate that I never truly asked you to leave
When I knew I should've, too many times to count
I hate that I couldn't believe how you might deceive
I thought there were no problems we could not surmount
I hate that I loved you so unbelievably much that I chose not to see the obvious truth
I blinded my eyes just so I didn't have to face the impending end
I hate that you made what we had so grossly trashy and uncouth
Treating me like a high school fling, when you should've been my friend
I hate that you couldn't love me the way you knew you should
I hate that you had chances to change, yet chose to not
I hate that I only want to believe we are just misunderstood
And that I am still in your each and every thought
I hate that I still love you so deeply and dearly
Only you're still the same man when we parted ways
By flaunting these "friendships" so cavalierly
I hate that you know.... and it's still taken this many days
I hate that I want nothing more than to lay next to you
And let you hold me in your arms all night
When it's obvious we are so completely through
As much as I want to, I can't ignore what's right
I hate that as much as I can't let her go
You hold her even tighter, only with affection
What lacked for me...to her, you show
Despite my each and every objection
Though stubborn, my hardened self is at constant dissolve
Thawing my firm anger, enlightening all the "hatred" I've felt
As much as I'd like to regret, my thoughts have begun to evolve
I hate that even in absence, you still have this power to melt
I hate that both my mind and heart argue with me opined
I fight back knowing the truth again should ensue
But unfortunately you hold the key to my heart and mind
I hate that they both can't help plead with me, to see you
I hate that you hurt me, beyond the hurt that I knew
But as much as I want to,
I hate that I can't hate you
1/31/18
