because i wanted you to know

02

I remember so many girls around me falling in love with you. I never discouraged them.

I understood them, too.

One time, I actually told someone to go for you because I knew what you felt for her and I wanted you to be happy.

And I guess she took my word for it. You guys were together for the first part of summer.

That was one of the most selfless things i've ever done. Giving her to you on some sort of silver platter was a kind of excruciating pain I put up with simply because I put what you wanted before anything else.

You told her, "If I had you, it'd be you and only you. I promise."

I repeated those words over and over again to myself, wondering what they'd sound like if you had said them to me.

Those summer nights, as I tossed and turned in my bed, I questioned how you could love someone so fully that was so unsure of you. I thought you deserved the absolute most.

She could never give you that.

I remember sitting in the blistering heat, not being able to focus on anything at all because all I wanted was you.

The end of that summer was when you first started to take genuine interest in me. I'd do anything to go back to that innocent point in my life.

It was short lived, really, but it meant everything to me. We'd talked so little before, that even just a small conversation with you felt like the entire universe was in my hands. And I'd steal all the planets and all the stars and whatever other galaxies existed for you. I'd do anything to keep you by my side.

The end of August, you finally admitted what you felt for me.

At that point, nothing could get me down. I was so beyond elated I could barely breathe without saying your name. Over and over, your name was tasted on my tongue. I couldn't shut up about you.

Suddenly, I was dancing around my room and I woke up happy every morning because I knew that day I'd hear from you.

I wanted to write down every word you said. Everything you told me seemed like the most important thing in the world.

And yet, you still felt out of reach. You never gave me all of you. Only half.

I gave you everything without you even asking. I guess that's where I went wrong.