Colours of Love

Lost

One of my favorite hobbies: Getting lost.

Getting lost in streets, in cities, in forests, places I don't know. Simply, anywhere.

And today I got lost again. Lost in your eyes.

And I don't where to go, what to do cause it's a place I've never gone lost before. It feels like there would be only one destination, one place to return to and this place is you.

But I don't know where you are. I don't even know which direction to go.

So I am tumbling through Berlin's empty streets in the middle of the night.

No, that's not true actually. Because Berlin's streets are never empty.

I am tumbling through Berlin's crowded streets in the middle of the night, full of light and full of noise. I am surrounded by a bunch of strange creations and I never felt more alone. I've never felt that lost before.

Cause usually when I get lost I do enjoy it. There is no destination I head to.

But now it seems like everything would draw me to you. Yet I don't know where you are. Because you are gone without leaving any trace.

Kamu yang berjanji kepadaku untuk selalu ada.
(You who promised me to always be there.)

Untuk selalu menjagaku. Tidak pernah meninggalkanku.
(To always protect me. To never leave me.)

Aku percaya kepada janjimu.
(I believed your promises.)

Dan aku berjanji untuk selalu ada untukmu.
(And I promised to always be there for you.)

Kini ku datang di tengah malam untuk bertemu denganmu di tengah keramaian ibu kota jerman.
(Hence I came in the middle of night to meet you in the crowd of Germany's capital city.)

Lalu kamu meninggalkanku tanpa suatu kepastian. Tanpa kasih aku alasan untuk kepergianmu.
(Then you left me without any certainty. Without any reason of your disappearance.)

I don't know where to go.
What I know is that I don't want to go home because home would be empty. Home that I wouldn't call home because it was just a place where I was staying. A place where I could ecape from the world outside.

I hated to be surrounded by strangers. I hated the crowd. But I also hated the loneliness. And I hated to cry.
I hated to cry myself to sleep in the middle of the night because of loneliness. Because I realized my broken heart. Becuase all the pain came up. All the feelings I was burrying throughout the day. Because you wasn't there. I mean you haven't ever been there before. At least not at my home, in my room, close to me. But I always wished you would someday.

And now I realized it ain't gonna happen and it hits me like a stone falling from the sky right into your face - or rather into your heart.

I don't know how my feed keep moving while actually inside I am breaking.

I feel drunk.

I don't know if I feel drunk because of all the things running through my mind and befuddling my senses. Or maybe it is because of the strange people around me that where tumbling around, similar like me, because of the alcohol. Just that I wasn't drunk of alcohol. I was drunk of pain.

I have no idea what people would think seeing me at this moment. I have no idea how I looked.

At least I manage not to cry becasue I don't want anyone to see my pain, my weakness. Otherwise it could become quiet dangerous.

This could be my end - A weak looking girl tumbling through Berlin's crowded streets in the middle of the night, surrounded by strangers who's intentions you don't know.

And than I thought if anyone would do anything to me, would it matter?

I mean, I feel so broke that my life could be over now. It wouldn't matter.

But I don't want to think like that. I wanted to be strong.

But at this moment I just wasn't. So I just fell.

I fell in hope for someone to catch me.

But I was sure, no one would come.

I couldn't hold my own weight anymore and my legs broke down.

I was just squatting holding my knees and I started crying.

All the tears I tried to hold the last minutes that felt like hours, meters that felt like kilometers and maybe it were because I had no feeling for space and time, broke out.

All the water was getting higher and higher inside me. Down from my feed, running up my body, into my throught and dropping out from my eyes.

And there was no reason to hold my tears anymore.

I was crying, maybe until the morning would come. Maybe until someone would pick me up. Maybe until someone would kill me. I had no idea.

Until I heard a voice. A voice calling my name...

🌙🌃🌙

Lanjut atau open end ya?

Idenya cuma sampai sini, datang tiba2 pas lagi jalan2 malam di tengah kota tanpa tujuan karena acara yg mau didatangin ternyata dibatalin.

Jadi ya udah seadanya, sampai sini dulu chapter ini.
Mungkin bakal ada lanjutan tergantung mood.