No Wings

Is There Somewhere I Can Go?

I'm so tired of waking up

cold in my bed.

Every word I write,

I'm screaming in my head.

They make it seem like

one cigarette will have you dead.

So I smoke them because

I'm so sick of feeling dead.

Every day I wake up, and I yell

"God, didn't you hear what I said?"

I need something to change

or I'm going to lose my head.

Today, I write the words that

I wish that I could scream

at those who always treat

me like I don't even mean shit.

I'm better off silent,

or so that's how it seems.

I don't know what I can do

to stop living on a balance beam.

Is there any word I can say

to stop the comments on my screen?

I was bullied and harassed

everyday by a team.

Every day is just so hard

because my mind will tumble,

but I'll just say "I'm fine,"

as I look down and mumble.

The words stick with me

like a gum bowl.

When someone asks "What's wrong?"

I just start to fumble.

I wish they could see my heart

because they made it crumble.

How can no one see?

My pain is not subtle.

Everyone's laughing,

so clearly I'm a joke.

So, as I cry,

I tie a noose around my throat.

I try to find a defense,

but I just choke.

With awful thoughts,

my mind is soaked.

Is this how I'm going to live?

Am I out of hope?

"God, is this the end?"

I spoke.

Sometimes, I just feel some way,

like there's nothing I can do.

I'm trapped in this house,

and I just wish to move.

I'm only happy when

I chug enough booze.

I train and I try,

but I always seem to lose.

I feel so limited,

like I am just a tool.

I only cry at night

so my mornings go smooth.

Can't you see I'm in pain,

or are you just dumb blind?

Is there somewhere I can go

where I'm not tortured all the time?

Or am I just stuck here

writing these rhymes?

Punishment and punishment

is all I seem to find

after I use something

to numb the pain inside.

Look at yourself,

can't you see I'm not fine?

You didn't pay for that,

so it makes you a thief.

Every day you boss me around

like you are my chief.

So, my emotions dip down,

like the autumn leaves.

Is there somewhere I can go?

I just wish to leave.

How could you do this?

I can't believe

that you just sit there

and watch as they tease.