Kaleidoscope Killer

Chapter 19

I lay down on one of the old hospital beds to clear my mind. Razor still hasn’t come to talk to me about the fight with Syn. It makes me question his leadership. He shouldn’t be babying her when she is the one at fault. Well, maybe I shouldn’t have pulled my gun out on her. I shake my head. I will not baby her like Razor does! This world is not the comforting place it once was. Syn has to learn that. It’s better coming from me than her learning it on her own.

            I turn over to face the window. Not a cloud in the sky. Maybe I should have stayed at the gas station. Syn would have Razor, Blade wouldn’t make me feel confused, and I wouldn’t be a distraction to Ice and Scorch.

“I need to leave,” my voice sounds way more sure of that than I feel.

“You just got here.”

            I look over my shoulder and see Blade holding a sandwich. My stomach growls upon sight of it. I sit up and swing my legs over so he can sit with me. He puts the sandwich on the bed and grabs a chair, so he can face me. I feel my heart sink a little bit. Does he not want to sit with me?

“You just got here,” he repeats. “Why are you leaving?”

I shrug and take a bite of the sandwich. He raises his eyebrows questionably, waiting for an answer. I reluctantly place the sandwich back on the plate. Where do I start? Nothing is the same anymore. I don’t feel the presence of God here at all. I close my eyes for a moment and try to feel Him. I open my eyes, disappointed.

“Syn can take care of Razor.” I wish it was a lie, but I know she can. Even though she’s obviously too young for him to be with, she can still take care of him. “Scorch doesn’t need one more person to worry about. Ice doesn’t need another person to protect.”

Blade nods, agreeing with all of my points. “Okay, that’s nice and all, but what about you?”

“What about me?” I say crossing my arms.

“All I am saying is that you think about everyone else, but not yourself.” He pauses. “Tell me why you should be on your own. One reason why that would be better for you.”

I look at the floor. He has a good point. I’m lost, vulnerable, and a complete train wreck on my own. I look up at him and smile.

“Thanks, Blade.”

As he stands up to leave, I jump down from the bed and hug him. We stand there for a moment, just holding each other. I’ve really missed him. I let him go and he kisses my forehead. He stops in the doorway and looks at me.

“You named why you’d be a burden to everyone else except me. Why?”

My face gets red as I admit, “I know that I’d never be a burden to you.”

He smiles and leaves me in the empty room. I wonder if Blade is a burden to me.

Razor eventually finds me. I only finished about half of my sandwich by the time he shows up. It makes me wonder what he was doing all this time.

“Blade said you’d be in here.”

Dang it, Blade. “Here I am,” the words sound dry.

He moves the plate so he can sit next to me. I feel myself creating a personal boundary, one that I didn’t have with Blade. Razor looks at me, pleadingly, as if to know my walls are up.

“Syn won’t take your place.”

I know she couldn’t, but it still sounds nice to hear.

“Kaleidoscope,” he takes my hand. “God gave me you for a reason.”