philophobia (under revision)

Chapter 16

Pha's POV

I arrived at Beam's secret hideout around dinner time, I went inside and searched for Beam but I can't find him anywhere. His car is still outside so... he's not going anywhere, and if he is going out then he will definitely tell me...

So where is he?

I looked into the kitchen, garden, bathroom, and bedroom but Beam was nowhere to be found.

Ah! His mom's studio.

I went to the second floor, searching for the right door. When I found it, I opened the door slowly but it's also empty. Before I closed the door, I saw another strange door inside, I walked to that door and slowly opened it.

What I see inside makes my heart drop and shattered into pieces.

I can't even remember how I can breathe.

I can't move...

I'm so stunned...

"Mai... Mai chai... Mai chai Beam!!!!"

I run towards his limp body and there's a pool of blood around him.

Fuck he's losing too much blood!

"Beam please don't close your eyes na... (sobs) Please don't leave me u-us, Beam! BEAM!!!"

I pats his cheeks and shakes his body a little but he's not responding.

I called the ambulance and told them to come quick!!

"Khor thod... P' khor thod na Beam..." (sobs)

His pulse is so weak and he barely breathes.

I tie up his scarred arm...

I choked because I didn't realize he had so many scars on his arm...

What P' am I, that I don't even know my brother struggling every fucking day!

When I heard the ambulance's siren, I picked him up and ran downstairs, I placed him into the stretcher, and I went inside the ambulance sitting next to him.

I hold his hand and keep praying...

Please God... You already took aunty and uncle, please don't take Beam away too... (sobs)

Suddenly the machine frantically beeping

I saw the heart machine flattening...

"CPR!!! We need to perform CPR!"

"Mai chai... Beam please don't leave na... Nong!!!"

The nurse keeps pumping his chest even when we arrive at the hospital and while we're going to the emergency room, because his heart is not beating...

"Patient name Beam Baramee, Age 18, The cause is he's likely slit his own wrists and he's losing too much blood!"

I kept looking at Beam while running to the operation room, the nurse stopped me right before we got inside the operation room.

No... W-what should i do??

Beam please don't leave P' na... (sobs)

Baby bro please....

My hands are cold and shaking, I'm also sweating.

I kept thinking about the worst and I felt my tears falling down like a waterfall.

I should have checked at him sooner (sobs)

How can i forget about it?!

I'm so stupid!! Ngo!