philophobia (under revision)

Chapter 17

Author's POV

Pha, Kit, and Yo have been very sad and felt guilty.

Guilty? Chai, guilty as hell!

They're blaming themselves because they weren't there beside Beam when he needed them the most. They thought Beam was already better and got out of his depression state, but they're wrong.

They've been slacking off and Beam almost leaves them, forever.

They wanted to erase all the bad thoughts, all of the possible ways of Beam leaving them because it's just so horrifying and frightening.

What makes that thought so horrifying is because they're the reason if Beam decided to end his life. Because they can't take good care of him so he decided to throw away his own life.

They've been taking turns to look after Beam in the hospital. They wipe his body, talk to him every chance they got, and never ever leave his side. They keep talking to him about their daily activities, joking with him, and telling him to wake up soon because they missed him, their Beam.

Two-fucking weeks have passed since that dreadful incident. The doctor said he should be awake 2 weeks ago after the operation but he's still in deep sleep until now. They run some tests and it turns out okay, they're just glad that Beam is still breathing and alive.

The doctor said the cause of his semi-coma is possibly because his strong will to be dead and his mind already think he's already dead. It's likely because of the reason they told him last time so..

Now we have to persuade Beam to wake up and always remind him that he's still alive.

[make sense right? sorry if it's not 555+]

Pha's POV

I really want to fly or teleport if I can to the hospital right now because my mind keeps thinking about Beam but I still have another class after this.

Damn college!

(sighs)

He should be fine right...? I think Kit or Yo will be there to accompany him

After that incident I keep worrying about him every second even though I know he's still sleeping deeply.

I hope he'll wake up soon because i really miss him. I felt my heart crushed every time I saw him lying so helplessly pale while wearing his hospital gown on his hospital bed. He even got thinner than he already has before.

I keep blaming myself even though I know it'll not change anything nor make him to wake up soon so I suppressed that guilt aside. My priority now is taking care of him. I told Kit and Yo to do the same because we need to be strong to take care of him.

Kit has been spaced around more meanwhile Yo have been encouraging us because I know he also felt guilty but he knows how it felt before and he wants us to grow stronger for Beam.

"Ai'Pha you've been spacing out again." said Ming while frowning.

(sighs) "Errr"

"Thum mai?" asked Lam.

Maybe if I let it all out to them I'll feel a little better...

Yo also told me to search for someone and tell them all my thoughts rather than pushing it aside, he said it will make me feel better, slightly better.

"You can tell us anything pheun," said Forth.

I look at their eyes and the thought of Beam alone at his secret hideout hit me again. I shouldn't let him alone so long in that house...